Dispatches from the Future

July 2, 2007, 10:00 am; posted by
Filed under Articles, Djere, Humor  | No Comments

GUN CONTROL DEBATE SHIFTS TO THE HOUSE
Washington, D.C.

Spurred on by the shocking June 14 assassination attempt on Lewis Mitchner, Undersecretary of State for Human-Cyborg Relations, the gun control debate has resurfaced in the House.

The newest proposal would ban all “semi-automatic” tactical lasers and laser cannons, as well as any device that uses mitochondrial drift to specifically target human beings.

“These types of gigawatt-range tactical lasers are built for one purpose, and one purpose only,” a newly revived Mitchner said, in a special visit to the floor of the House. “The complete sublimation of human flesh.”

The Undersecretary was traveling through sections of southern Florida, overseeing the excavation of the former “Florida Keys” from the Atlantic Ocean when he was struck by an assassin’s beam. Mitchner was flown by a fully-automated Air Force helicopter to a reclamation station moored over the remains of downtown Miami. From there, he was transferred to a Cyborg processing facility and transferred into a synthetic body. He was 53.

Earlier in the day, Technocrats in the Senate passed a bill similar to the one proposed in the House by a margin of 63-57. Senate Majority Leader @@Cyrux//014 (T) praised today’s vote, calling the outcome “within acceptable parameters.”

Critics of the measure were outraged. At a press conference on the steps of the Reagan National Monument, Cyberian leader Brock13zzz called the measure an “insult” to “law-abiding humans and cyborgs alike, who only seek to be left alone to practice sport shooting and avian incineration.”

Adding insult to injury, critics were denied a protest permit by the MPD. A spokeswoman for the department cited failure to provide an environmental impact study as the reason for the denial.


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