I’ve got nothing against fantasy football; I’m sure it can be very engaging. However, I’m a person who likes to keep fantasy truly fantastic. If I didn’t have to be who I am right now, is participating in American football in any way, even at the uppermost echelons, really my ideal? Almost certainly not.

On the other hand, if I could choose to be someone else, would being the emperor of an empire spanning several galaxies be my top choice? Quite possibly, especially if I didn’t have to deal with those nasty coups and uprisings that have plagued empires since their development.

Enter the fantastic world of Ogame.

I don’t think I would enjoy fantasy football very much because I imagine it takes a good deal of prior knowledge and statistical research to be successful, yet much of what determines your team’s success is out of your control. On the other hand, Ogame throws some chance elements your way (the actions of other players), but there is nearly always something you can do to protect yourself, or at least get them back pretty well.

You can never actually lose in the sense of being forced to quit, so a season of hard work is unlikely to come to nothing after a large attack. Finally, Ogame is very quick to pick up; all you have to know is how to tell time. In short, Ogame puts you in almost complete control of your own destiny, and with good strategy, you can reap the rewards of your success or suffer the consequences of your failings, learn from it all, and rebuild.

In a text article, I can’t give anyone a good sense of what Ogame is really like. I will say, however, that the best reason to play is the friendships you can make. Recently I was in an alliance with people from the US, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, and Lebanon, and while we don’t talk to each other that often, it’s satisfying to know that, because of one silly browser-based game, I now have at least a few friends in countries all over the world.

I wish I could explain it more thoroughly, but my fleets have just delivered resources to a planet of mine, so I’ll see you later.

I just got finished with my fantasy football draft. It’s one of the more polarizing events of the year, as those who take part in such things eagerly exchange strategy and war stories, and those who do not look at the others as though they’re crazy, or the world’s biggest losers, or both.

For those of you who began shaking your head the moment you read the title of this clash (yet for some reason are still reading) let me explain why fantasy football is one of the greatest leisure activities known to man. For sports fans, it’s absolutely indispensable. You’re going to watch the games anyway, so you might as well have a rooting interest, especially for games late in the season when your favorite team is languishing.

Not to mention, every sports fan has always wanted to be a general manager. As we watch the personnel decisions made by real teams, we love to criticize and postulate that we could do better. Well here’s the chance to prove it! Not against actual general managers, sure, but against your friends.

And that’s why fantasy football can appeal even to those who aren’t big sports fans. Everyone loves the chance to gain bragging rights over their friends, be it for a victorious season or just fleecing them in a trade.

The biggest reason to love fantasy football in the internet age is the chance to stay connected with those friends. During our draft, I had phone conversations with my former roommate, my uncle, my brother, a childhood friend and my dad, all decidedly out of town but completely connected through the league. I actually had a conference call with the latter three, a conversational combination unseen since my brother’s wedding.

Listen, I’d love to tell you more, but I’m off to propose a trade.