Hang In There, Bro!

August 28, 2007, 10:30 am; posted by
Filed under Articles, Humor, Job  | No Comments

Best of Job, March 2006.

I trust you’ve heard the story about Abdul Rahman, the Afghan who converted to Christianity from Islam, and now might be sentenced to death just for that ‘crime.’

I told my brother Joel today, while painting at the church workday, that I was hoping that either Rome or Colorado Springs (if not Washington) would dispatch an elite helicopter unit to go and get Abdul. I think this is a great notion and perhaps even cinematic — the idea of a Protestant v. Catholic Cannonball Run, to race and free Rahman from his potentially lethal captives.

I can see Dobson making up his mind to pull the trigger and do it, then changing his shoes like Mr. Rogers.

“I should wear layers,” he thinks to himself.

On the way over the Andes, the Protestant chopper breaks down, of course, and the Catholics stop only long enough — in their bejeweled Sikorsky — to gloat over and bless them. “Why don’t you ‘wiggle around like marmalade jelly’ to keep warm?!,” a cardinal gleefully shouts out, as they fly away.

But some Wycliffe translators in a nearby village help the Protestants get back on their way, and they overcome great adversity and pesky surface-to-air missiles to somehow beat Benedict’s Boys to the compound where Rahman is being held. Dobson and Joel Osteen are trapped behind some boxes, getting shot at, and things look gravely hopeless as Rahman struggles against his binds — until Rick Warren suddenly bursts through the bay doors in his Youth Group Truth Troop van, does a barrel roll out of the driver’s seat, springs up and slays everyone in the Spirit as the van hits a Jeep and explodes into a fireball.

“Yes, Rick!” Osteen yells out, pumping his fist. “Now that’s what I call Purpose Driving.”

“Amen!,” concurs Dobson, untying Rahman. The Catholic contingent shows up seconds later.

“Well, well, well,” remarks a camo-garbed Billy Graham. “I guess you Vatican’t.”


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