Criss Angel, Mindfreak, Wins Nobel Prize in Physics

October 12, 2007, 11:00 am; posted by
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–STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP)

Citing his entertaining videos, his unmatched experimental results, and his complete triumph over all known scientific principles, the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences has awarded the 2007 Nobel Prize for Physics to noted illusionist and raconteur, the creepy-looking Criss Angel, Mindfreak.

“Any old physicist can elucidate the quantum structure of electroweak interactions, as Gerardus ‘t Hooft did in 1999, or discover asymptotic freedom in the theory of the strong interaction, like Gross, Politzer, and Wilczek in 2004. Such things are to be expected,” announced Professor Gunnar Öquist, Secretary-General of the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences.

“But Mr. Angel, Mindfreak, levitated, walked through a pane of glass, and made millions aware of the amazing immunity of toothpicks from the laws of physics,” Öquist continued, stopping frequently to scratch his head and stare in wonder at the twitching, unshaven magician.

“Through his poorly-watched, critically panned television show, Mr. Angel, Mindfreak, is probably the single individual who has done most to create greater worldwide understanding of the field of physics. And that’s what matters to the committee. Not hard science, not results — slickly produced, factually questionable videos are what we want!”

Angel, Mindfreak, plans to use his multi-million dollar prize to finish his crowning achievement — a trick that will make his audience completely disappear.


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