Back to the Future

February 12, 2008, 1:30 pm; posted by
Filed under Articles, David, Featured, Humor  | 2 Comments

August 15th, 2008. Somewhere outside Hilldale, California, a man frantically dials a number into his cell phone, while sitting in a smoking DeLorean in a mall parking lot.Back to the Future


“Marty? Is that you?”

“Doc! Doc! Listen, you gotta help me…”

“Great Scott!! Where are you, Marty?? I can barely hear you!”

“Not ‘Where?,’ Doc — ‘When?’ I’m in 1996! You gotta help me get back to 2008 . . . back to the future!”

“Marty, Marty, calm down! What you’re saying is impossible! I destroyed the time machine and that car you have now has no flux capacitor. What makes you think you’re in 1996?”

“Doc, Clinton’s running for president, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s Hillary, not Bill –”

“Conservatives have tuned out, even though a true conservative had some great early success — Pat Buchanan, right?”

“Yes, but it’s Romney or Huckabee this time…”

“And there’s a weird guy from Texas with big ears and the initials R.P. acting all crazy, and some people are afraid he will run with a third party, right?”

“Well, yes, but it’s not Ross Perot, it’s Ron Paul.”

“And the Republican nominee is a moderate who moved to the right — what Reagan would have called a ‘cross-dressing conservative’…”

“But his name is McCain, not Dole –”

“And he’s a war hero…”


“In his seventies…”


“And Republicans have decided the way to win is to abandon the Christian right and reach for moderates and independents…”


“It’s 1996, Doc!! You gotta help me!!”

“Great Scott!! You’re right!! I’m on my way!”


2 Comments to “Back to the Future”

  1. Tom on February 12th, 2008 2:38 pm

    I doff my cap to you once again, sir. Brilliant.

  2. Brian on February 12th, 2008 3:47 pm


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