Strange But True: The Presidential Race

June 3, 2008, 11:00 am; posted by
Filed under Articles, Featured, Steve  | 2 Comments

IN WHICH you, who have not been paying attention, are educated about those who will contend for the Presidency in November.

— Barack Obama would be the first full-blooded Hopi Indian to be elected President.

— According to MSNBC, John McCain was actually a test-tube baby formed by uniting pluripotent skin cells from George W. Bush and Satan‘s human avatar, Ann Coulter.

— Hillary Clinton is the only chance the Democratic Party has of winning in November, which is why young voters — many of whom are unaware that Democrats are allowed to become president — steadfastly refuse to support her.

— Ron Paul would be the first President born in outer space (Beta Persei B).

— If elected, Barack Obama would have the fourth-silliest Presidential name ever (Millard Fillmore, Grover Cleveland, John Tyler).

— Al Gore is not running for president. Yet.

— Does John McCain look familiar? He should! He first caught the public eye as “Waldo Faldo” on ABC’s Family Matters. Jaleel White (Steve Urkel) was the best man at McCain‘s wedding and is believed to be on the short list for Secretary of the Interior.

— Some biologists believe that Hillary Clinton is genetically a woman!

— In an eerie coincidence reminiscent of Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy, Barack Obama has an assistant named Jon McCain, and John McCain has an assistant with absolutely no foreign policy experience whatsoever.

— Both candidates are totally willing to hamstring our economy and spend trillions of dollars to potentially cut the world’s temperature by half a degree — so what’s the point anyway?


Comments

2 Comments to “Strange But True: The Presidential Race”

  1. Tom on June 3rd, 2008 2:20 pm

    Would that be Waldo Geraldo Faldo? Known for his comical lack of sense and a girlfriend almost tragically out of his league? THAT Waldo Faldo?

    Solid.

  2. Mike J on June 3rd, 2008 3:43 pm

    “– Hillary Clinton is the only chance the Democratic Party has of winning in November, which is why young voters — many of whom are unaware that Democrats are allowed to become president — steadfastly refuse to support her”

    …easily the funniest thing I’ve read today…

Leave a comment!