Sunday With Phinnaeus and Vivienne

07/27/2008, 8:00 pm -- by | 7 Comments

Celebrity babies already have one strike against them, being born into a famous family. But far too often, they also get stuck with a completely stupid moniker because their parents have something to prove to the world.

My daughter Rose and I first noticed this phenomenon with Apple Paltrow: we thought it was just a quirk. But then the Julia Roberts twins, Hazel and Phinnaeus, arrived, and the momentum started building. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes named their daughter Suri, a choice panned by the baby name experts on the Today Show. Next came the Jolie-Pitt twins, with the boy named Knox. Really? Knox Pitt? Did anyone realize his initials would be KP? And his sister\’s name is Vivienne. That\’s a name that hasn\’t been used in decades, since — oh, I don\’t know — Hazel and I Love Lucy! But at least we recognize Vivienne as a name. Her brother is a gelatin brand.

Now, just a few weeks ago, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban named their new daughter Sunday. At first I hoped that Keith and Nicole had been misunderstood and had meant to say their daughter\’s name was Sydney Rose, to honor their birth country. We all know how Australian accents can be tricky, and Sunday isn\’t a name; it\’s just a day. But there\’s nothing to be ashamed of — just call up the clerk\’s office and get that change made. It\’s for her own good, trust me. In the meantime, Rose and I will be thinking up better names for the rest of Hollywood\’s newest arrivals.

Joke of the Day, 7/25/08

07/25/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“I want to be like Gandhi and Martin Luther King and John Lennon, but I want to stay alive.” — Madonna

Quote of the Day, 7/24/08

07/24/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people. “ — G. W. Bush

Joke of the Day, 7/23/08

07/23/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?

Bacon and legs.

The Broken World

07/22/2008, 10:00 am -- by | No Comments

One consistent observation I draw from my contact with atheists is that they inevitably base their disbelief in God, partly or entirely, on the fact that the world is a wicked and hurtful place, filled with inequity and injustice — something (in their opinion) that no loving God could ever allow.

It never ceases to amaze me that their hostility toward God is neither abandoned nor abated by their decision not to believe in Him. It doesnʼt seem logical to me to be so hostile toward someone that you donʼt believe in. Iʼve never had a salient thought concerning Santa Claus, good or bad, since I stopped believing in him, and I canʼt imagine spending one ounce of energy defaming him or attacking his followers.

I started thinking about this again after reading a wonderful opinion piece by Michael Novak in USA Today. I believe that when a person suspends belief in God and attacks Christianity over the wicked condition of this world, it is due to ignorance of what the Bible actually teaches about Creation. When a tree limb succumbs to disease or age and falls from the tree, it is certainly no proof that the Creator is cruel or indifferent — or worse yet, nonexistent — even if the limb falls on someone, causing death or injury.

It is simply part and parcel of living in a broken world.

This world does not exist in the state in which it was created. That fact should be no mystery because sin and the fall of man are basic Christian doctrine, known by the entire world. Perhaps it is not widely believed by non-Christians, but by now, it should be well-known enough that we don’t have to explain it over and over.

The world is broken. Argue all you want about Godʼs motives in allowing it to happen, but this world has fallen, and we fell with it (actually vice versa). What we see now is the result of that fall; what the Gospel offers is the solution.

Quote of the Day, 7/22/08

07/22/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“If we have not quiet in our minds, outward comfort will do no more for us than a golden slipper on a gouty foot.” — J. Bunyan

The Council’s Ruling — Gas Prices

07/21/2008, 12:00 pm -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — At what price did (or will) gasoline become “too expensive”?

Tom delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Chloe, David, Steve, and MC-B:

Until a reasonable alternative is developed, gasoline will never be “too expensive.”


Erin concurs, joined by MC-B:

It became (or will become) too expensive when we resign ourselves to it being expensive and refuse to explore alternate fuel options.


Kaitlin dissents, joined by Connie:

$3.00. That’s when I stopped rooting for the total to add up quickly so that I didn’t have to stand there filling up any longer.


Josh dissents, joined by Kaitlin:

$2.85 seems cheap now, but it was the first hike that made me drive less, and pine for the days not too long before when it was less than half the price.


Connie dissents, joined by Djere:

$4.00 is ridiculous! Somebody do something!!!


Job and Mike played no part in the determination of this issue.

Next time: What is the most underappreciated punctuation mark?

Joke of the Day, 7/21/08

07/21/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

A van filled with politicians was headed down a country road when it careered out of control and crashed into a tree. A farmer plowing his field saw the accident and came over to investigate.

Three days later, the sheriff came by, saw what was left of the van, and asked the farmer what had happened to the politicians. “I buried them,” he replied.

“They were all dead?”

“Well, some of ’em said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”

Four Weeks (Part Two)

07/18/2008, 2:30 pm -- by | 1 Comment

Read the series in parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

If you have ever driven through southwestern Virginia, you may have noticed that, for nine miles, Interstates 77 and 81 form what is called a “wrong-way concurrency.” I-81 travels from northeast to southwest, while I-77 was built from northwest to southeast; as a result, when the two roads meet and ever-so-briefly join, the unsuspecting driver (heading due west by compass) finds herself simultaneously traversing I-81 south — and I-77 north.

Up looks down, wrong seems right, and west can be both north and south…and if you try to turn around, you’ll find that east is too.

This fact, which once crouched amidst foggy dusk to add a loathsome 45 minutes to a previous trip, returned to my mind as I recalled our preparation for the 1200-mile drive to the Deep Southâ„¢. This leg was nothing new. Several times before, I have set out on similar trips: unstopped until Pennsylvania, optimistic until West Virginia, and awake (with brief exceptions) until the bitter end, with the occasional pharmacological assist.

But this time we had a plan — to attend church with my uncle in Alabama the next morning — and it depended, or so it was thought, on leaving directly after my sister attained America’s mark of minimal educational competency that afternoon.

Circumstances prevailed, though, as is their way, and we were delayed one round hour, mostly by my brother’s newly discovered (and irrepressible) need to fold everything he owned. Wrinkles, not failure and tardiness, were to be this journey’s most fearsome enemies. Our fate we would trust to the road; his fashion he guarded with his life.

The drive was thankfully unremarkable, and once we finally did arrive, we found the church was quite new, the silver lining from unfair and contentious division elsewhere. Its services were held in the conference room of a local motel, and after the overnight drive, we savored, to some extent, the languorously maintained breakfast buffet, most notable for its pile of buttery, watery hominy grits. Two sermons later, our first experience down South was precisely what we had hoped, a small congregation of the devoted faithful, giving thanks to God in all things, even (inexplicably) for grits.

And our time of arrival? Somewhere around that I-77 merge, I realized we had overlooked the variable of the time zone — and that the hour Princess spent folding his dainties had saved us from turning up on anyone’s doorstep at the unholy hour of 6 a.m.

The wrong-way concurrency. Sometimes advance feels like retreat.

Quote of the Day, 7/18/08

07/18/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.” — G.G. Marquez

Battle of the Bands LXII

07/17/2008, 1:30 pm -- by | No Comments

Here is the next batch of band names from Esther; Hamedatha moves on.

And onestone joins Plan B (Romans), Kindred (Genesis) and Stripe for Stripe (Exodus) in the pantheon of Biblical band names!!!


Joke of the Day, 7/17/08

07/17/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What light bulbs? The house is illumined by the light of his countenance.

Bweinh! Goes to the Movies: Wanted

07/16/2008, 2:30 pm -- by | No Comments

I finally got back to the movies to see Wanted — but I was totally disgusted by this piece of cinematic trash. In fact, the only reason I’m writing this review is to apologize to anyone who may have taken my earlier enthusiasm as an endorsement.

I tried researching the movie ahead of time, and thought I’d done my homework, but we were still unprepared for the auditory bombardment that hit us. After only five minutes, I whispered to my husband about the possibility of leaving. If you have seen it, you know why. We have a DVD player at home that blanks out profanity; if we had tried playing this movie on it, at times it would have sounded like a silent film!

We tried to focus on the plot twists and special effects, tuning out the swears, but on the whole, it was a debacle we never plan on repeating. As for the story, in a nutshell, it was borrowed from Star Wars, with a little of The Matrix and 007 thrown in for distraction. Nothing original.

It could have been a good film; instead, it was an embarrassment. That’s how James McAvoy looked throughout the entire thing too: embarrassed. He even used an American accent. Perhaps he didn’t want to be recognized.

I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone, unless I get to edit it; as is, it gets no letters on the Bweinh! scale. Go see Kung Fu Panda again instead. I hear that’s good!

Bible Discussion — Esther 6-8

07/16/2008, 12:00 pm -- by | 7 Comments

This week, continues in Esther by discussing the next three chapters!

Genesis: 1-4 | 5-9 | 10-14 | 15-18 | 19-22 | 23-26
27-29 | 30-32 | 33-36 | 37-39 | 40-43 | 44-46 | 47-50
Exodus: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-11 | 12-14 | 15-18
19-22 | 23-26 | 27-30 | 31-34 | 35-40
Romans: Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 (I)
Ch. 8 (II) | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 | Ch. 13 | Ch. 14 | Ch. 15-16
Luke: 1:1-38 | 1:39-2:40 | 2:41-3:38 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
11 | 12 | 13 | 14-15 | 16-17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24
Esther: 1-2 | 3-5

When God begins to deliver His people, it all starts with a King having a sleepless night, courtesy of the King of Kings, the One who watches Israel, who never slumbers nor sleeps.

I don\’t think I\’d noticed that the honoring of Mordecai came after the edict to destroy the Jews. Did the king just not read the edict, or was he really that impulsive?

At the end of chapter 8, many of the people of the land became Jews because fear of the Jews fell upon them. This was the only way to salvation at the time, so this was not just a plan to save Esther’s people, but also their friends and neighbors. This is what we’re supposed to be doing now as well.

This whole situation came about because of the king’s insomnia, and his desire to be put to sleep by a happy story from his archives. How would God have worked deliverance had Unisom been available?

When the decree went out to reverse the fortunes of the Jews, many of the other inhabitants of the empire suddenly became Jews. Can they do that?

Josh: King’s Delight
Chloe: Rather Than Me
Steve: Royal Crest
Connie: Harbonah’s Irony
David: Big Thana

Continued here!

The Latest Answer!

07/16/2008, 10:00 am -- by | No Comments

Why was this man murdered?


If you picked “He was translating the Bible without the Apocrypha,” you’re a winner!!


©1984-2008 Chick Publications, Inc. Reprinted without permission as fair use (parody).

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