Once Upon A Time (Part Six)

August 26, 2008, 10:30 am; posted by
Filed under Articles, Chloe, Featured  | 4 Comments

Read part one, part two, part three, part four, and part five! Or read the entire story, all at once, here!

All activity ceased. Suddenly every single human being was staring in the prince’s direction, her eyes wide and her breath held. The prince froze, as well, waiting for the women to attack him.

The nearest woman knelt by his side and cooed, “What\’s the matter, deary?” and clutched him to her buxom bosom.

The prince detached himself from the woman and cleared his throat. “I — I need to see”¦” he chose his words carefully, heeding the dragon\’s words. “I need to see the lady with the magical powers.”

And so it was that the young and dashing prince found himself in the presence of the great and terrible sorceress Vashti, who had stolen away all the women of his kingdom. “Can I help you?” the villainous Vashti asked.

She didn\’t look like a sorceress. She looked like a rather ordinary middle-aged woman dressed up like a man, just come in from her gardening. What\’s more, her throne — for she was the president of the government, which the prince\’s guide called a “democracy” — was not very majestic. It looked more like a desk.

The prince cleared his throat awkwardly. He had more expected to battle the sorceress in the bowels of the earth, his sword against her spells, or perhaps on a vast plain, his skill against her cunning. Instead he was in an office, having been relieved of his weapons before entering. “No need for these barbarities,” the guard had said, picking the things up with her fingertips and grimacing before tossing them in a pile of other weapons. The prince had assumed the other weapons belonged to other noble princes who had fought and courageously died for the sake of their womenfolk. Perhaps he would join their ranks today, though he didn\’t particularly want to. He preferred to return home in time for some soup.

The prince cleared his throat a second time. “Where have you put the women you stole from me and my father\’s kingdom?”

“My father\’s kingdom and me. The pronoun is always last,” President Vashti corrected, then looked down at a memo on the desk. “What did you say your name was?”

“I am Prince Charming of the —”

“Oh, yes.” She cut him off. “Your father is a dirty lying scumbag.”

“You will not speak of my father with disrespect, woman!” the prince roared, reaching for his sword and grasping air.

“Woman?” the woman repeated, not even rising from her seat but succeeding in making the prince tremble with the look in her eyes. “I am President Vashti to you, worm. And don\’t you forget it.”

“Yes, ma\’am.”

“As I said, your father is a dirty lying scumbag. The fact of the matter is, we got so sick and tired of dealing with you idiots that we left. We warned you, but you never believed us, called us your little women, told us not to worry our pretty little heads, ordered us back to our hearths and to hush the baby. Meanwhile, you ran the country into the ground with your greediness, licentiousness, and plain stupidity — honor, you called it. So we packed up in the middle of the day, right in front of your gaping faces, and we left. So you can go back and tell your father, young man, that we\’ll be back when we damn well please!”

There was a little cheer from a guard in the hall. The prince stared at President Vashti and said, “Mother?”

The president stood and tidied her papers before straightening her vest and striding from the room. “Evil sorceress, indeed,” she muttered.

When the prince arrived back at the castle, admitting a sound defeat at the hands of the guileful sorceress, he gave his father and the whole kingdom a detailed account of his heroism and courage, then delivered the terrible news that the women had developed a highly successful society and intended to peacefully take over their country within the week.

At these foreboding tidings, the king said, “Man, that woman is stubborn,” and continued gnawing dejectedly on his beef jerky.


4 Comments to “Once Upon A Time (Part Six)”

  1. Erin on September 1st, 2008 2:12 pm

    Steve?? what’s this? censorship?

  2. Chloe on September 1st, 2008 2:53 pm

    Yeah, Steve!

  3. Steve on September 1st, 2008 6:14 pm

    I suppose so. One was integral to a speech and expressed a character’s depth of feeling. The other was not, did not, and I felt that its potential for distraction outweighed its usefulness. Pretty much sums up how I feel on the topic in general — use it where necessary and authentic.

  4. Chloe on September 2nd, 2008 3:38 pm

    Obstruction of free speech!

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