Road Armor Under Investigation

August 22, 2008, 12:00 pm; posted by
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–WASHINGTON, D.C.

The Office of the Attorney General announced today that a Texas company is being investigated after their products failed another series of federal safety testing. San Antonio’s ROAD ARMOR, which specializes in marketing protective armor to “at-risk” animals like opossums, once again received the lowest safety rating available.

“This company has repeatedly preyed on these poor animals, promising them a level of protection on today\’s highways that, frankly, they do not and cannot attain,” said spokesman Ronald Fletcher. “It\’s high time someone stood up for these animals, and we are the ones to do it.”

Studies have shown that the use of “armor” by opossums may actually increase fatalities, as many become careless and prone to high-risk behavior such as crossing an interstate at rush hour.

ROAD ARMOR spokesman Lilly Matthews disagreed, pointing to the company’s disclaimer warning animals of the risks and limitations of their product. “Everything that we do is designed to make these little critters safer and happier, and we succeed at that. End of story.”


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