History in Making
I may have made history on my lunch break today.
I spent my hour of personal freedom emailing each of the major presidential campaigns with an identical question. I will share the question now, but I’ll wait to see how many replies I get before sharing the candidates’ OFFICIAL opinions.
Jeremiah Maxon wrote:
Subject: Question on an Issue
To Whom it May Concern:
There are many who are convinced that Zombies are the most convincing threat to national security. Where does your candidate stand on the issue of Zombies?
Sincerely,
Jeremiah Maxon
bweinh.com
This could be the best election year EVER!
Clash of the Titans LX: The Simpsons
| In this corner, arguing against The Simpsons, is Erin! | And in this corner, supporting The Simpsons, is |
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During my time on the camp ministry team this summer, I learned a few valuable lessons. One was never to buy flip flops that you don’t think can take some serious wear ‘n tear. Another is that, not infrequently, teens’ misbehavior is an expression of much deeper psychological issues, not just rebellion. The third is — I can’t stand the Simpsons. There, I said it. Bring on the criticism of my sense of humor, my taste, my ability to see a classic. Of course, the Simpsons has endured for almost 20 years — so why on Earth can I not see that it’s what the people want? If you want, bring on how much I actually laugh at the Simpsons’ rendition of Hamlet. Yes, I do find it funny. So why can’t I get into the concept, appeal, and vast majority of this apparent masterpiece? When the team arrived at Jumonville — the Laurel Highlands quite near Pittsburgh, PA — it was four days before the Simpsons movie premiered. I had seen a few commercials (especially during David Beckham’s first game in the USA) and thought only that it looked like something I’d probably eventually see, most likely in a situation where I was extremely sleep-deprived, sugar high, and coerced by my dearest (and most insane) friends. During the four subsequent days, I honestly can say, I don’t think I heard a certain refrain less than forty times — “Spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does…” And this didn’t stop on July 27th when the movie came out, as I had hoped. If anything, it intensified. We moved onto our next camp in Maryland, a family camp. Certainly, a family camp in the practically-seaside town of Denton wouldn’t have such a great population of Simpsons devotees, would it? I stand corrected. Vast numbers of kids and teens (and a few adults) seemed to have only one thing on their mind: The Simpsons Movie. Or perhaps two things: the Simpsons movie, and its relation to the grand overarching metanarrative of the Simpsons. You’d think that after a point, they’d realize its sheer inanity, that they’d stop being enthralled by a cartoon whose beer belly and doughnut fetish borders on disgusting. That they’d get it. But no, unfortunately, that was not, and most likely never shall be, the case. So I’ll just mind my own business (unless, of course, I’m writing Clashes) and not criticize other people’s preference in humor or movies or whatever. I’ll ignore the fact that “d’oh” (or, phonetically, doh) has been rather ridiculously added to Webster’s Dictionary (roll over all you want, Noah). And I’ll still giggle at “Nobody out-crazies Ophelia.” But for heaven’s sake, people, can you stop singing about Spider-Pig? |
I, Hoss, personally love the Simpsons, because it provides high-quality entertainment for the masses — just like Djere (who failed to write this Clash, so his 15-year-old brother had to do so). The Simpsons may be an old cartoon (19 seasons), but I still need my daily fix. The Simpson family is made up of: Homer — a mean, abusive drunk who never ceases to make you laugh, whether he is creating art for Eurotrash or sneaking into Canada to buy drugs to bring back home. Marge — a loving mother of three and an enabler, who picks Homer off the cold laminate floor and still loves him just the way he is. Bart — a little “heck raiser” and the class clown, who does whatever is needed to get a laugh, or else he’ll beat you up and ride off on his skateboard. Lisa — the gifted child, a book-smart Buddhist who never backs out of an evolutionary debate. And finally, Maggie — our gunslinging baby. Then they add a slew of townsfolk to make the thirty minutes so very magical. New this past summer was The Simpsons movie, which — in my opinion — was one of the greatest movies of all time. Homer saved a pig and started singing: Spider Pig, Spider Pig, Meanwhile, he was holding the pig to the ceiling and there were hoof prints everywhere… Another great part was when Maggie went through a sinkhole and escaped outside a fence. When we were watching it, a woman in the audience yelled, “Oooooh!!! That’s how she got out there!,” and everyone else started laughing. Clearly, the Simpsons movie is best watched on a big screen. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the Simpsons reign supreme over all animated cartoons, and will live forever in the hearts of many. |
Why We Believe: Vol. 5
This and following weekends, we will share the brief salvation testimony of each Bweinh!tributor. So far we’ve heard from David, Steve, Tom, and Connie. Next in line is Djere.
“Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.”
–Revelation 12:10b-11
There’s an old self-actualization exercise professors use in just about every field of coursework — writing your own obituary. It’s supposed to help you focus your studies onto long-term goals and help get you there quicker.
I was reflecting on that verse Friday, thinking that of all the verses in the Bible that I want to be true in my life, that’s one of them. And when all is said and done, I earnestly hope to God that is my verse.
As much as a three-year-old can understand sin, damnation, repentance, and eternal life, when threatened by my older brother with eternal hellfire, I made my first — and last — tearful bedside conversion. But the problem with being second of six siblings is that I quickly got fed up with the crowd. My “rebellion” was not simply agreeing to whatever I was told. I wanted to explore it first, tear it apart, chew it, and discover it was as true for me as the Bible said it was.
Early one summer Dad told us, matter-of-factly, that his sons were all to be baptized. No discussion, no debate — just a cool statement of fact. But unlike my ovine brothers, I wasn’t letting my father — or anyone else — make my decision for me. So baptism day came and went with a sopping wet Stephen, a sopping wet Thomas, and a remarkably dry Jeremiah. Once I had made up my mind, I was baptized the next summer.
My teenage years were spent learning about spiritual leadership from our pastor and leading a youth small group. Once I left home for Oswego State University, I helped re-grow the BASIC college ministry from a sparsely-populated club to one of the largest organizations on campus.
But a testimony is more that a recollection of facts — it’s how we overcame and how we overcome. I’ve seen healings, I’ve seen miracles, I’ve seen lives changed. And I will see more.
Here lies Jeremiah ‘Djere’ Maxon (1983 – 2023)
Beloved Prophet, Pastor, Missionary, Itinerant Worker of Miracles — all around hep cat.
Revelation 12:11
“But Brother… it’s the Lord’s day!”
One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind.
Romans 14:5 (NKJV)
How is it that we, post-modern, sophisticated, intellectual American Christians still can’t decide which day of the week to meet together for worship? How is it that we, post-modern, sophisticated, intellectual American Christians still don’t fully grasp that the day of the week doesn’t matter?
“Well, brother, Jesus is the Son, so we meet on Sonday!” exclaim the same people who advertise in the Yellow Pages: “All Soldiers Welcome — KJV Only!”
Almost.
We call it Sunday because it was a day dedicated to the Sun god, much in the same way we call it Monday after the goddess of the Moon. SUNday… Monday… See the connection?
But what about the other days of the week? Surely those Seventh-Day Adventists have it right. But let’s just progress through the week.
Following the Moon Goddess’s day we come to Tuesday. If you’re an English speaker (and who isn’t these days?) you celebrate Tuesday, from the Old English Tiwesdaeg from the Norse god Tyr. If you’re a Romantic, it’s some variation of Mars’ Day – both Pagan gods of war.
Holy Odin on a pogo stick, Wednesday, to Anglophiles like Chloe, stems from the Norse god Odin (Wodan). Other Europeans celebrate Mercury’s day: miércoles, mercoledi, or mercredi.
Personally, my favorite day of the week is Thor’s Day, followed by Frigga’s Day, both Norse in origin. TGIF, indeed.
Rounding out our list of pagan dieties is ancient Rome’s Saturn. Poor, old, decrepit lovable Saturn, devouring his children… Makes Saturday morning cartoons seem tame by comparison.
For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as there are many gods and many lords), yet for us there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live.
1 Corinthians 8:5-6 (NKJV)
What days we meet don’t matter, what days we work don’t matter — it’s that we do work, and more importantly, that we do meet.
Local Car Commercials
I’d forgotten why I don’t watch local news anymore.
It’s not the quality or nature of the broadcasts — it’s the car commercials.
And it’s not the quality or nature of the commercials – all those liars have the same thing to say. It’s how they say it.
“Hi folks, it’s Tom Parks’ here…”
It’s how HE says it.
Though I’ve never met the man, I’d have no qualms about putting a boot through his face.
And I think that when I go back to work after lunch, I’m going to invent a new word.
Billy, you’re HUGE-tarded.
Bible Discussion — Romans 8 (Part Two)
This week, Bweinh.com looks at the next chapter in the book of Romans, Romans 8. Romans 8 Day continues!!
Again, joining us as guests are Capt. Steve Carroll, Rev. Dave Maxon, and Maj. Doug Jones!
Genesis: 1-4 | 5-9 | 10-14 | 15-18 | 19-22 | 23-26
27-29 | 30-32 | 33-36 | 37-39 | 40-43 | 44-46 | 47-50
Exodus: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-11 | 12-14 | 15-18
19-22 | 23-26 | 27-30 | 31-34 | 35-40
And the book of Romans: Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7
RANDOM THOUGHT:
Maj. Jones:
There is now no condemnation. Satan can’t condemn. Jesus won’t condemn. We shouldn’t condemn ourselves; unfortunately, we sometimes forget that truth.
MC-B:
This would easily make my top ten list of chapters of the Bible that a Christian should be extremely familiar with.
Steve:
Freedom from the Law was one thing, but for us to be described not only as children of God, but “joint heirs with Christ,” is an unimaginable honor. We will be glorified together.
Mike:
What is the difference between foreknowing, predestining, and calling? Why does Paul draw this difference?
Pastor Dave:
“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” If people ever truly understood the depth of God’s love towards us, it would radically change their Christian experience in a positive way. Gone would be all those nagging thoughts — “He doesn’t love me,” “What did I do wrong to deserve this,” “What am I being punished for,” “Am I saved?” We would all walk with encouraged hearts, full of anticipation, knowing that no matter what’s around the next bend in the road, our ever-present help in time of need, the Lover of our souls, was with us.
Capt. Steve:
At night, when I am putting my son to bed, I often tell him, “Of all the little boys in the whole wide world, your Daddy loves you the best.” What am I going to say if my wife has another boy?
Erin:
What does it mean for the Spirit to intercede for us with groans?
David:
This chapter presents Christians as “spiritual” people, while Jude presents the wicked as “sensual” people. Are we being led by our senses or the Spirit? All that is in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — are not of the Father, but of the world (1 John 2:16).
WHERE IS JESUS IN THIS PASSAGE:
Capt. Steve:
“At the center of it all.” He provided the means of this new life. He Sent His Spirit, who empowers and frees us from sin’s control.
Djere:
Not condemning, rather, having set us free, He is raised from the dead!
MC-B, Connie, Pastor Dave:
Everywhere — without Him, there is no way that humanity can approach God in order to have the relationship with Him that is detailed by this passage.
Erin:
This passage is all about Paul trying to understand Jesus!
Mike:
He is the pattern for the life of this new family, the church, and the giver of the Spirit which animates the life of this new family.
Chloe, Josh:
At the right hand of God, interceding for us.
Maj. Jones:
Jesus is throughout the entire chapter, beginning with freedom from condemnation and sin, making us joint heirs of the kingdom, keeping us firmly in His hands through any and every trial.
David:
In 8:32, being delivered up for us all.
VERSE TO REMEMBER:
Steve:
8:18 — “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.”
Mike:
8:19 — “The creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God.”
Tom:
8:32 — “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?”
Chloe, Pastor Dave:
8:28 — “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
Erin, Connie:
8:38-39 — “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Capt. Steve:
8:6 — “For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”
David:
8:14 — “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.”
Josh:
8:15 — “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’ ”
Djere, MC-B:
8:31 — “What then shall we say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?”
Maj. Jones:
So many verses, so little space — verses 10, 17, 26, 28, 31, and 35-39!
Bible Discussion — Romans 8 (Part One)
This week, Bweinh.com looks at the next chapter in the book of Romans, Romans 8. That’s right, it’s Romans 8 Day!!
And not only do we have almost-universal participation, but joining us as guests today are Capt. Steve Carroll, Rev. Dave Maxon, and Maj. Doug Jones!
Genesis: 1-4 | 5-9 | 10-14 | 15-18 | 19-22 | 23-26
27-29 | 30-32 | 33-36 | 37-39 | 40-43 | 44-46 | 47-50
Exodus: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-11 | 12-14 | 15-18
19-22 | 23-26 | 27-30 | 31-34 | 35-40
And the book of Romans: Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7
INTRODUCTION:
David:
This Chapter articulates the key difference between the world and the Christian. The people of this world walk in the flesh, “fulfilling the desires of the flesh, and of the mind” (Eph 2:3) — but “as many as are led by the Spirit, they are the sons of God” (Romans 8:14). The test to determine which you are is Romans 8:9 — “…ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit if . . . the Spirit of God dwell in you.” You must be born again of God’s Spirit.
Capt. Steve:
This is the kind of passage that I start reading quietly to myself, but by the end of the passage, I am shouting the words at the top of my lungs, and people are sticking their heads in my office to make sure everything is okay. “It’s all fine — I just got a little excited!”
Mike:
Set free from our slavery to death, we are made God’s beloved children. In a flourish, Paul declares that the calling of the children of God is the crowning moment for all of creation (v. 19-20) and that God’s love for his children never fails (v. 31-39).
MC-B:
This passage contains some of the most important tenets of Christian faith, so I suppose I should probably actually discuss this one, huh?
Maj. Jones:
Whenever I am asked about my favorite portion of Scripture, I always say Romans 8. As I now reflect and ask myself why, I am reminded of the assurance of life, liberty and the source of my joy and contentment.
SOMETHING YOU’D NEVER NOTICED BEFORE:
Pastor Dave:
How yellowed and worn, the edges of the page that holds Romans 8.
Capt. Steve:
The Holy Spirit is praying for us. How does that work?
Josh:
Verses 38-39 contain a fairly well-known list of things that cannot separate us from God’s love, but the list actually starts in verse 35.
Djere:
“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” — The words “for us” are omitted in the NU text. I’d never noticed that before.
Mike:
The phrase in v. 2: “the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free…” Still wrestling with what precisely that means.
Connie:
The verses preceding Romans 8:28 are the ones that emphasize the Holy Spirit as our Intercessor. I always separate them and use them separately, instead of realizing that His intercession can lead us right to knowing HOW all things in our lives can and will work to our good, as long as we love Him and walk in His calling.
Steve:
It can’t be wrong or inappropriate to pray for God’s will in a situation — that’s precisely what the Holy Spirit is doing.
Maj. Jones:
Paul begins in verse 35 by asking who, but then lists many whats.
BEST BAND NAME FROM THE PASSAGE:
Connie: Sheep for the Slaughter
Capt. Steve: Plan B
Chloe: For Your Sake
Tom: The Pangs; Indwells
Pastor Dave: Glorified; Foreknew
Djere: Firstfruits of the Spirit
David, Mike: Abba
Steve: Peril
MC-B: The Whole Creation
Erin: The Creation Waits
Josh: No Charge; Famine Nakedness Danger
Clash of the Titans LIV: Soccer
| In this corner, a soccer fan, is Djere! | And in this corner, against the game, is Mike! | |
|
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! GOAL! GOAL! GOAL! GOAL! GOAL! Hey there, sports fans! Whether you’re the spoiled spawn of a disinterested suburban trophy wife or more useful to your parents tending the cassava fields than at school, everybody loves soccer! Scratch that: everybody loves fútbol! Here in America, it used to be that we would raise a collective yawn every four years for soccer’s World Cup, knowing full well that nations we could literally wipe off the face of the planet would make our best and brightest look like a high school junior varsity squad. But things are changing! Soccer in America is the most popular organized children’s sport, and being a soccer mom is hip! Everybody wants to be a soccer mom… even Mike! With the addition of international footballers like David Beckham and Juan Pablo Angel, new clubs like FC Toronto, and the “Superliga” tournament pitting the best of the MLS against the best of the Mexican fútbol leagues, soccer’s on the rise. And why shouldn’t it? Americans are fat and lazy. The cure? Soccer! A soccer field looks familiar to Americans — a wider and longer NFL field, but players on the pitch run for almost 90 straight minutes, not stopping after every play to release a hip hop album. Americans lust for blood. The cure? Soccer! Hooligans riot for weeks when their teams lose a match to a rival! Players have been shot to death for scoring own goals! And when a player commits a penalty, the ref pulls out a card — he doesn’t toss a froofy kerchief to the four winds of heaven — and books the offending player. There are no coaches challenging the call on the field, no umpires spitting tobacco, and best of all, no John “Turducken” Madden. Americans want to be entertained. The cure? Soccer! Hands down, the single most aesthetically appealing points in any sport — bar none — are soccer goals. How many times can you see some 11-foot-tall college dropout reach up and place a ball in a basket? How long will you watch 14 400-pound college “graduates” slam into each other so 1 tiny man can dive over the blubbery mess into the end zone? Are you bored with jacked-up, ‘roid-ragers hitting little white balls over a fence with a stick? Soccer goals are quick and amazing at the pro level, the propulsion of a ball 30 or 40 yards with pinpoint precision. The spin, the physics, the drama, the beauty of a well-struck goal can cause entire nations to bless or curse. Not that Americans would know anything about that. What’s that? NASCAR’s on? YEE HA! |
I know that saying this will make me sound like a jingoistic pig, but would someone please explain what is so beautiful about the beautiful game? Three things that are not so beautiful: 1. Red cards. In my mind, if a team has to play a man down for the entire remainder of the game, there ought to be dismemberment of some sort involved. But because some guy, in the heat of the moment, tackles another in a particularly egregious fashion, all of the sudden he’s out of the game and his team is now forced essentially to hope for a tie? Really? When Paul Lo Duca whined and moaned through the Mets’ epic collapse, getting ejected from games, were the Mets prevented from using a catcher? No? Why? Because it’s ridiculous, that’s why. Oh, and by the way, that red card–all a judgment call. Not that the refs having all that power has ever led to corrupt officials. 2. Offsides. Okay, I’m snoozing my way through a game–oh, pardon me, a match — when finally — finally! — someone manages to break through all alone to face the goalie. For the first time, I raise my eyelids slightly, only to have the ref blow the whistle and inform everybody in attendance that the previous moment of heart-pounding excitement was an infraction of the rules. Oh good. Now I can go back to my sleeping, and the crowd can go back to their drinking, unconcerned that any substantive action may take place on the field–er, pitch–to distract us from those worthy pursuits. 3. Soccer parents. Something must be done about these people. I’m at a JV soccer match today at the local high school watching a girl from our youth group. A girl goes down on a somewhat hard tackle. The ref lets it slide and continues play. Behind me, a man, entitlement dripping from his lips, says, “Hey ref–what’re you looking at?” and proceeds to carry on an argument with the ref. In a crowd of 50 people max, this man, unencumbered by any sense of shame, barks at the ref at a girls’ JV game. Don’t tell me this happens to this extent in other sports. Soccer’s big here in the ‘burbs, where people have it all, but are in constant fear of losing it all. The incredibly dull nature of the game gives these people time to ponder the emptiness at the core of their lives and makes them even more agitated about it. Suddenly, a ref’s judgment call turns into a personal attack on my precious little Fiona! Hell hath no fury like a tight-lipped nervous suburbanite scorned. A vote for soccer merely perpetuates this insanity. Don’t do it! |
…we met in the middle…
So what, did my insurance claims adjuster and I *actually* have this conversation:
Insurance Claims Adjuster: “So you’ll be using your collision coverage to replace your tail light, right?”
Djere: “No, I think I’ll just buy one.”
ICA: “Oh, good idea! I mean, you have a thousand dollar deductable anyway, so yours seems like a pretty good idea…”
:( Man, I hate Wal*Mart parking lots.
News in Brief, 9/7/07
In Freeze-dried pollenator news, scientists have discovered just how complicated the humble honeybee is – identifying eight species of bacteria, four lineages of fungi, and seven different viruses.
Scientist turning on honeybee grinding machine – “Uh huh, life’s like this…”
Bumblebee Man – “¡Ay, Dios no me ama!”
In psychotic, self-important murderer news, everybody’s favorite terrorist struggling to stay relevant Osama/Usama bin Laden released a new diatribe today. Thank God for the New Testament.
Osama – “All praise is due to Allah… and from His Law is retaliation in kind: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and the killer is killed.”
Jesus – “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.”
Bible Discussion — Romans 2
This week, Bweinh.com looks at the next chapter in the book of Romans, Romans 2.
Genesis: 1-4 | 5-9 | 10-14 | 15-18 | 19-22 | 23-26
27-29 | 30-32 | 33-36 | 37-39 | 40-43 | 44-46 | 47-50
Exodus: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-11 | 12-14 | 15-18
19-22 | 23-26 | 27-30 | 31-34 | 35-40
And the book of Romans: Chapter 1
INTRODUCTION:
Mike:
Paul turns the tables on his “righteous” readers. In ch. 1, we can almost hear them “Amen”-ing Paul’s devastating critique of ungodly Gentiles. But in ch. 2, he argues that the religious folks are equally unrighteous.
David:
In Chapter 1, Paul introduced the Gospel and proved the whole world guilty before God. In chapter 2, he deals specifically with the Jews, who condemned and despised the Gentiles, but did not acknowledge any guilt among themselves.
Connie:
This chapter is Paul’s “prophetic” realistic view of hardened religious hearts and his warnings that God is not fooled by outward appearances and actions.
SOMETHING YOU’D NEVER NOTICED BEFORE:
Steve:
Verse 5 says that rather than repenting, “in accordance with [their] hardness and [their] impenitent heart,” the Romans were “treasuring up wrath,” to be cashed in on the day of judgment. I never noticed this particular turn of phrase before, and its connotation of gradual accumulation of punishment is chilling, like a Direct Deposit of damnation.
Connie:
I guess I never realized that this problem could be so widespread. Keith Green sang about it. Recently Mother Teresa’s private letters even alluded to it. Do we all suffer from it at some point, but believe we’re the only one?
Djere:
I guess I never really noticed how judgment-heavy Romans was… the first couple chapters are so thick they’re a blur.
Mike:
How very focused on works Paul is here: at least in this passage, it is our wicked works that lead to God’s judgment — vv. 3, 6, 8, 9, 12. It’s too easy to break down Paul’s thoughts into faith vs. works. Rather, there seems to be an inward change that is vital to salvation, and works testify to that inward change.
BEST BAND NAME FROM THE PASSAGE:
David: Babes
Josh: Mere Man; Glory, Honor and Immortality
Chloe: Perish Apart
Djere: Inward Jew
Connie: Inexcusable Man
Steve: Impartial
Mike: Instinctively Obedient Gentiles
Labor Day my eye
Maybe those sissy unionists are taking the day off, but since they’re not here in the palacious bweinh.com boardroom, I’ll take this opportunity to tarnish their collective reputations.
Djere presents ‘Strange and Untrue Cutthroat Rumors!!‘
* Josh Jones let our love fern die. He is not to be trusted.
* Tom cries himself to sleep at night because he can’t remember the words to ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca.’
* Steve cries himself to sleep at night because he can’t forget the words to ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca.’
* Connie only loves one of her children. This humble reporter knows which one… do you?
* David only got into the copier business as a cover for his $2 bill counterfeiting ring.
* Until early this year, MC-B‘s facebook profile listed his religious affiliation as ‘Frisbyterian.’ Non-practicing, I’d bet…
* While the name ‘Michael Jordan’ may hint at his athletic talent, don’t be fooled. The movie ‘Glitter’ is loosely based on Mike‘s tumultuous teens.
* Job can neither swim nor tie knots. What kind of sailor is he, you ask? The Village People kind.
* Not only is Chloe Steve’s girlfriend, he’s the only one who can see her.
It’s all true; a gypsy told me so.
Bible Discussion — Romans 1
This week, Bweinh.com looks at our first chapter from the New Testament, Romans 1.
Genesis: 1-4 | 5-9 | 10-14 | 15-18 | 19-22 | 23-26
27-29 | 30-32 | 33-36 | 37-39 | 40-43 | 44-46 | 47-50
Exodus: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-11 | 12-14 | 15-18
19-22 | 23-26 | 27-30 | 31-34 | 35-40
INTRODUCTION:
Steve:
Welcome to our first trip to the New Testament! After a few months working our way through Genesis and Exodus, we’re postponing Leviticus for a while and skipping a few hundred pages forward. Selfishly, I feel much more comfortable in the doctrinal books of the New Testament than I do in the narrative books of the Old, and I’m curious to see how this format and these people handle this very different part of the Word!
David:
Christianity would have remained an obscure sect of Judaism without the brilliant Pharisee we call Paul. He alone grasped the scope of what had to change. Jesus did not come to reform Judaism but replace it. The Book of Romans articulates that fact better than any other book in the Bible.
SOMETHING YOU’D NEVER NOTICED BEFORE:
Tom:
Debate is mentioned among the unrighteousness of 1:28. I wonder why that is?
David:
The Holy Spirit is here called the Spirit of Holiness. No wonder he is so rarely comfortable around us.
Josh:
Paul opens his letter with a tone that seems like he felt he owed them apologies or explanations — sorry I couldn’t come see you, I mean I really wanted to, you have to know that, but I just couldn’t. I’m sure you understand. But I’ve been praying for you a lot, God as my witness.
Djere:
In 1:7, Paul writes, “To all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints.” I don’t think he means there are only a handful destined to sainthood. All believers are loved by God and all are called to be saints.
Steve:
The first four verses of the letter are an amazingly concise restatement and preview of the following sixteen chapters. Paul declares himself to be both a slave of Christ and an authoritative apostle. He tells us that the Gospel fulfilled Old Testament prophecy, identifies Jesus as both the Son of God and the seed of David, then closes by referencing the Holy Spirit, holiness, and the resurrection from the dead. Wow.
BEST BAND NAME FROM THE PASSAGE:
Josh: Without Excuse
Tom: Natural Affection
David: The Barbarians
Steve: Both of You
Djere: Birds and Animals and Reptiles
WHAT ON EARTH IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!?!?!
Looking for family-friendly fun and excitement? Looking to eat deep-fried Snickers bars? Looking to blow through too much money?
If the answer to any of those questions is “maybe,” the Great New York State Fair is for you!
As recently as Sunday, I was at the Great New York State Fair with Karen, official girlfriend of Djere.
We went to the fair to have a good time, but apparently we missed the memorandum that Sunday was ‘Treat Your Unborn Baby to Second-hand Smoke and Alcohol’ Day.
We saw dozens of pregnant women lighting up and pounding beer.
Words inadequately express how angry that made me.
Seriously, if you want to become a drain on our national resources, purposely giving yourself lung cancer and liver cancer, keep on smoking and drinking. In fact, that’s probably where that baby of yours came from. But once you get yourself knocked up after the Kenny Chesney/Taylor Swift concert, things have to change.
STOP KILLING YOUR CHILD!
- Reasons being a no-good redneck hick is bad for your unborn baby’s health
- If all pregnant women in the United States stopped smoking, there would be an estimated 11 percent reduction in stillbirths and a 5 percent reduction in newborn deaths.
- Both nicotine and carbon monoxide are believed to play a role in causing adverse pregnancy outcomes.
- Smoking nearly doubles a woman’s risk of having a low-birthweight baby
- No level of alcohol use during pregnancy has been proven safe.
- Drinking alcohol during pregnancy can cause a number of birth defects, ranging from mild to severe. These include mental retardation; learning, emotional and behavioral problems; and defects involving the heart, face and other organs.
Please, for the love of all that’s good and holy, do your best to discourage this type of irresponsible behavior! Boycott country music! Boycott cigarette companies! Boycott pregnancy! Slap pregnant women you see smoking!
Have I mentioned boycotting country music!
Oye!
Clash of the Titans XLV: Women In Combat
| In this corner, against, is Steve! | And in this corner, for, is Djere! | |
|
Let me get the possibly offensive, yet totally true, arguments out of the way first. Women are weaker than men — significantly weaker. Till adolescence, girls can hold their own in a fight, but the same biological imperatives that turn boys into testosterone-fueled beasts of burden unfairly round women off, widening their hips and sounding the “ready for babies” alarm like a bell. God and puberty prepare young men for battle; after all, to the species, your average dude is pretty expendable. But young women? They get the special estrogen treatment, and since that results in (for instance) a body fat percentage double the size of the closest competing gender, pretending everybody’s the same on the field of battle isn’t a harmless multicultural fantasy — it’s a dangerous, deadly mistake. Many soldiers have to carry gear heavier than the average woman. But let’s pretend it’s somehow possible to overcome the obvious and innate advantages in speed and strength that men have over women; let’s imagine we’ve triumphed over pregnancy, menstruation, and emotion, and that our enemies will treat captive women the same as captive men. Oh glorious day! I’d still oppose it with the same strength and fervor. For one thing, it’s not necessary. If women seem to be needed on the front lines, it’s not because there aren’t enough able-bodied young men to pick up the slack; it’s because those guys are bumming around on street corners and slouching their way through English Lit classes. A realistic look at our armed forces in the event of another (God forbid) world war doesn’t involve a battalion of Amazons — it will require a real live, straight-up draft of the men in our country, from high-achieving Harvard Business School types to no-account middle school dropouts. China invades us any time in the next fifteen years? I’m an airman the next day, and that’s a promise. But try to sign my sister up and you might be the next casualty. Which leads me to my next and final point. Women do not belong in combat because of what such a policy would say about our nation. Many American men are already shamefully irresponsible, neglecting their proper roles as husbands and fathers to seek their own pleasure and fulfillment. Sending women to carry out what is the ultimate male responsibility — the protection of one’s own nation and family against those who would do them harm — would lower that shame to unbelievable and sickening depths. Combat changes people; it hardens and coarsens them, as they experience horrors the uninitiated can never understand. They are trained to kill and destroy, work no man should ever have to do — but some must. To extend that tremendous sacrifice to women would be an act of both foolishness and cowardice. |
I’m not saying that we should entirely man our front lines with women. Nor am I saying that all women in the service are cut out for front line duty. All I’m saying is that there are some benefits for allowing women to serve in combat situations. In modern combat, sure there’s still a ton of physically demanding effort: running, carrying large packs, heavy weapons, and still some hand-to-hand combat. But as time has progressed since Cain beat Abel with a club. Weapons have become lighter and more efficient. Certainly, the strongest men will always be stronger than the strongest women. Usually average men are stronger than average women. But I’ll tell you what: I’ve seen some pretty big women in my day, and I don’t make a habit of visiting the opera. Leather jackets, tattoos and biceps the size of my head… Yet if some hulking beast of a woman rode up to a recruiting station on her Harley and wanted to enlist, Steve would smile at her and sign her up as a candy striper. Throughout every major conflict of the 20th and 21st centuries, women have played key roles. In both WWII and Chechnya, women served as effective snipers. Though usually pressed into service when defending their homes and children, women have done more than provide aid and comfort to soldiers; they’ve served as soldiers, officers, smugglers, spies, and scouts. Women can be capable of doing the same thing a man can during wartimes, without drawing as much suspicion. Let’s kick this thing up a notch. The theory was first proposed by Dave Barry, but let’s revisit it. When women spend time together, their, ahem, cycles, tend to synchronize. If the US Army had platoons of just women, that means for four days out of every month, we would have the single most vicious, nasty, murderous platoon of soldiers on the face of the planet. I don’t know about Osama, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be chased through the mountains of Pakistan by PMS Platoon from Hell. One of the arguments against putting women on the front lines is usually this: Men who see a wounded woman will be demoralized in combat. BULL! I live near an army base. I read the newspaper reports of spousal abuse. I work with army wives who were either abused themselves or have a girlfriend who was abused. So some GI Joe can see his own beaten wife, but some strange woman? I’m not buying it. Give ’em guns and let ’em fight back. |
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