Joke of the Day, 10/9/08

10/9/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. In the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life waiting for us to discover it.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

Joke of the Day, 10/7/08

10/7/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

A woman rushed in to see her doctor, looking very worried. She blurted out: “Doctor, look at me! When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair was all wiry and frazzled, my skin was wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugged out, and I had a deathly pallor to my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor took a look and calmly said: “Well, there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

Joke of the Day, 10/2/08

10/2/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

A woman got on a bus with her baby. The bus driver said, “Wow, that is the ugliest child I have ever seen!”

The woman went to the rear of the bus and sat down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “Head back up there and tell him off — go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey!”

Joke of the Day, 9/25/08

09/25/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

Why was astrology invented?

To make economics seem scientific.

Joke of the Day, 9/23/08

09/23/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | 1 Comment

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He told the bartender that the newt’s name was Tiny.

“Why?” asked the bartender.

“Because he’s my newt!”

Joke of the Day, 9/18/08

09/18/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

An older man suffered from serious hearing problems for many years. Finally, the doctor fitted him for a set of hearing aids that restored his hearing completely. The man returned after a month, and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be thrilled!”

The man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told them yet — but I’ve changed my will five times!”

Joke of the Day, 9/16/08

09/16/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese!

Joke of the Day, 9/12/08

09/12/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

Did you hear about the blonde couple who froze to death at the drive-in? They went to see “Closed for the Winter.”

Joke of the Day, 9/9/08

09/9/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his accountant and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom, and the preacher motioned for them to sit on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Finally, the lawyer asked, “Pastor, why did you ask us to come?”

The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go, too.”