Utah, We Have A Problem

August 14, 2007, 12:00 pm; posted by
Filed under Articles, Job  | 3 Comments

Best of Job, February 2006. Expect fresh Job next week!

While I was wandering the streets of downtown Rutland today, waiting for Hi Jol to be fitted, I had a run-in with everyone’s favorite perversion of the Christian faith, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Elders Grewes and Hathaway were young, fresh-faced, nattily dressed sorts, and I’m not sure what about my swagger attracted them, but they veered toward me.

I lure this stuff in all the time. Airports, restaurants, Center Street by the bank, you name it. I usually enjoy these instances; they’re invigorating, demand my A game, and give me something to cut my theological teeth on. But today I just wasn’t in the mood. I felt, through the fog of my distaste, some true love for these two guys, who were of similar age, build, and probably social style… But I am just so weary of our faith getting hijacked and/or spit on.

They eased into their subroutine of easy eye contact, touching my shoulder, etc. They felt out my pedigree with clever questions meant to flush out the extent of my New Testament knowledge, and asked rather pointedly if I’d read the Book of Mormon.

They had good game and were serious. I’ve been here before, and usually try to circumnavigate their tactics by playing slightly dumb, like a sight-seeing Southern Baptist with family issues, to put out the proverbial begging bowl of an impoverished brain.

In short, I generally set a trap, let them walk in, then pounce like the Adventist/Wesleyan Bible minor hybrid that I am.

But today it was different. As they smoothed their cuffs and patted their pockets for tracts, I leaned against the building, pursed my lips, and placed my leg on the stones a la the Marlboro Man.

Sticking to the script. “Have you read the book of Mormon?”

I paused. This is where I normally say, “I’ve seen the commercials for it, I think.”

“Some of it. Enough to understand where you’re coming from.”

“Oh, well, good. So you know that we do hold to the Bible?”

“I understand that you do not revere the Bible. Or rather, the Word.”

“Excuse me?”

“Gentlemen, your book is a lie. My being blunt is just obedience.”

“Um.”

“Wanna have some coffee and then go off-roading? We can talk about the truth and your return to it.”

“Well, um.”


Comments

3 Comments to “Utah, We Have A Problem”

  1. Paul Martin on August 14th, 2007 1:28 pm

    I guess the real question, unless it’s the fake one, is which of you knows the Truth and not just the truth.

    But then maybe the Truth doesn’t fit into anyone’s verbal formula.

  2. Tom on August 16th, 2007 7:10 pm

    Was it fair to tag this as Mitt Romney?

  3. Steve on August 16th, 2007 9:43 pm

    I, the foremost Romney supporter on the site, tagged us thusly. I’m using poor Romney as a catch-all for anything LDS-related here.

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