Once Upon A Time (Part One)

July 30, 2008, 10:30 am; posted by
Filed under Articles, Chloe, Featured  | 1 Comment

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a prince. This prince had fair hair and blue eyes and chiseled features, and when he donned his armor, any lady would swoon for him if she had any sense at all.

No ladies, however, swooned for the prince when he donned his armor. This was not for lack of ladies with good sense; on the contrary, it was for lack of any women at all, ladies or otherwise.

The prince had been brought up with the knowledge that long ago, when he was a mere lad, an evil sorceress had come to the land and stolen all the unsuspecting women from their unsuspecting husbands and families in one terrible night. To this day, a national day of mourning was held to remember the country\’s women. Since these men were neither known for their coping skills nor their capacity for any emotion at all, this sacred day was more one of drinking and acting awkward around each other and puttering about the house like a child without his security blanket. Which is exactly what these men were.

This tragic event, the cornerstone of the prince\’s existence, was why he had donned the armor that would have made any sensible lady swoon. The prince had always known that as soon as he came of age, he would set out to rescue his country\’s womenfolk by vanquishing the evil sorceress and her dragon (he assumed), triumphantly returning the lost women to their hearths and choosing the most beautiful and noble as his bride, to stand beside him throughout his long and prosperous reign.

After bidding farewell to his aging father and his countrymen, the prince valiantly vaulted onto his noble white steed and rode off into the forest with nothing but his armor, his weapons, and a knapsack full of dried venison. No man had mastered the arts of bread, cheese, butter, or food in general since the women had disappeared — but they understood meat.

The prince rode his noble steed in the forest for three days, seeing and hearing naught but their own breath. On the third day, the prince entered a beautiful glade, at the center of which was a massive snoring ogre.

To be continued!


1 Comment to “Once Upon A Time (Part One)”

  1. Tom on July 30th, 2008 10:44 am

    This reminds me of the time brave Sir Ted set out from the swamps of RIT on (in) his noble Astro van. The legends said he would bring back women from the verdant land of Geneseo, but he only came back with one. What a jerk.

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