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Presidential Haiku Prediction 9

11/3/2008, 6:21 pm -- by Connie | No Comments

If Obama wins,
God’s deserved judgment has come;
if not: His mercy

One Hundred Words (28)

08/14/2008, 10:00 pm -- by Connie | No Comments

What’s my best memory from the wedding last week? Well, the ceremony was great, the dinner was good, and the reception room looked ama-za-zing. And almost everyone from our families was able to be there, which was very nice.

But for me, the best memory was watching my younger daughter join her father and her sister (the bride) for the father/daughter dance.

The three twirled and swirled a bit, then their dad did a double swing-out to perfection — which I, of course, captured on film. Their smiles were breathtaking and priceless. I think it could cheer up my darkest day.

–CSM

Sunday With Phinnaeus and Vivienne

07/27/2008, 8:00 pm -- by Connie | 7 Comments

Celebrity babies already have one strike against them, being born into a famous family. But far too often, they also get stuck with a completely stupid moniker because their parents have something to prove to the world.

My daughter Rose and I first noticed this phenomenon with Apple Paltrow: we thought it was just a quirk. But then the Julia Roberts twins, Hazel and Phinnaeus, arrived, and the momentum started building. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes named their daughter Suri, a choice panned by the baby name experts on the Today Show. Next came the Jolie-Pitt twins, with the boy named Knox. Really? Knox Pitt? Did anyone realize his initials would be KP? And his sister’s name is Vivienne. That’s a name that hasn’t been used in decades, since — oh, I don’t know — Hazel and I Love Lucy! But at least we recognize Vivienne as a name. Her brother is a gelatin brand.

Now, just a few weeks ago, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban named their new daughter Sunday. At first I hoped that Keith and Nicole had been misunderstood and had meant to say their daughter’s name was Sydney Rose, to honor their birth country. We all know how Australian accents can be tricky, and Sunday isn’t a name; it’s just a day. But there’s nothing to be ashamed of — just call up the clerk’s office and get that change made. It’s for her own good, trust me. In the meantime, Rose and I will be thinking up better names for the rest of Hollywood’s newest arrivals.

Bweinh! Goes to the Movies: Wanted

07/16/2008, 2:30 pm -- by Connie | No Comments

I finally got back to the movies to see Wanted — but I was totally disgusted by this piece of cinematic trash. In fact, the only reason I’m writing this review is to apologize to anyone who may have taken my earlier enthusiasm as an endorsement.

I tried researching the movie ahead of time, and thought I’d done my homework, but we were still unprepared for the auditory bombardment that hit us. After only five minutes, I whispered to my husband about the possibility of leaving. If you have seen it, you know why. We have a DVD player at home that blanks out profanity; if we had tried playing this movie on it, at times it would have sounded like a silent film!

We tried to focus on the plot twists and special effects, tuning out the swears, but on the whole, it was a debacle we never plan on repeating. As for the story, in a nutshell, it was borrowed from Star Wars, with a little of The Matrix and 007 thrown in for distraction. Nothing original.

It could have been a good film; instead, it was an embarrassment. That’s how James McAvoy looked throughout the entire thing too: embarrassed. He even used an American accent. Perhaps he didn’t want to be recognized.

I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone, unless I get to edit it; as is, it gets no letters on the Bweinh! scale. Go see Kung Fu Panda again instead. I hear that’s good!

One Hundred Words (24)

07/10/2008, 9:00 am -- by Connie | No Comments

Do you know what are amazing? Babies.

I recently learned something stunning from a ministry teaching by Arthur Burke. He cited a secular researcher who discovered a group of adults who had committed suicide on the date their mothers attempted or thought about attempting an abortion when these adults had been babies. They found the connection when they contacted the mothers. Those people apparently had not been suicidal on the days preceding or following this date, only on that specific date. And none of the grown adults knew about their mothers’ abortion plans. Wrap your head around that.

–CSM

Bweinh! Goes to the Movies: Hancock

07/3/2008, 5:38 pm -- by Connie | 2 Comments

I went on a spontaneous date night the other evening to see Wanted, but ended up in an unexpected early showing of Hancock. We’ve all seen the trailers for the reluctant drunken superhero played by Will Smith, and it looked good — so since my movie required waiting an additional hour and had Jolie in it, we opted for Hancock. But I have to say, I kind of wish we had waited for James McAvoy.

July 4 has belonged to Will Smith for years, with his big budget blockbusters that rake in millions (like Independence Day and the Men In Black series), so I didn’t expect this to be any different. But here, Will plays a severely depressed alcoholic superhero, desperately in need of an intervention. Enter Jason Bateman, a small-time PR guy, trying to save the world by doing his part, but not making much headway. Their meeting is one of the highlights of the movie. Jason brings him home for dinner with his wife (Charlize Theron) to show his gratitude, and we’re off.

I like the premise behind Hancock’s powers. For once the writers used imagination, rather than taking the easy path of making him an alien. Thanks for doing a little work. I love the comedic relief Will provides: sometimes you see it coming, other times you just sit back and enjoy the ride. In this movie, you know the bad guys will get their just reward if they don’t listen to him — they make the choice whether to listen.

One of my favorite parts was when he was presented with his new superhero uniform. You don’t actually get to see what it is he says he’ll never wear; you just get to imagine it for a while. I also liked the chemistry between the top three stars. It’s effortless and believable as they transition from strangers to friends. But I think Will could work with a room full of machines or robots and still pull it off. Oh wait — he already did…

But there was more that I didn’t like. The movie was too dark and fragmented. I didn’t like all the cursing (especially by young children) and the violence was outrageous, especially toward the end. I spent a fair amount of time cringing at the noise and sheer brutality of some of the scenes. I have a hard time calling this sort of thing entertainment. It even drained some of my desire to see Wanted, because I’ve heard it’s similarly violent — and Jolie’s in it. Yuck.

But back to Hancock — even though my husband loved it, I must be true to myself and give it only an EINH (B-/C+) on our BWEINH! scale. I’m still down wit’ Will (I’ll see you next July, man), but this film just did not deliver the goods.

Next stay tuned for Wanted, with my main man James McAvoy!

One Hundred Words (21)

06/27/2008, 9:45 am -- by Connie | 1 Comment

“Do not be . . . yoked with unbelievers . . . what communion has light with darkness?” — 2 Cor 6:14

I heard George Carlin died this week. It was surprising; he was younger than I thought and never a favorite, so I didn’t keep up. I realized I disliked him because I could always hear anger in his humor, even the clean stuff. He seemed an angry, vile, vulgar, dark man who couldn’t mask that persona. I only hope in his last moments, he saw the light and found seven other words to express himself — “Help me Jesus; save my soul tonight.”

–CSM

Prom

06/17/2008, 10:15 am -- by Connie | 3 Comments

We will dance on the streets that are golden
The glorious bride and the great Son of Man
And every tongue and tribe and nation will join
In the song of the Lamb…

It’s prom time. Prom — short for promenade — is a graduation-type dance, often celebrated with a meal. You can barely go anywhere right now without hearing about it. Last week we were in a prom frenzy. My youngest daughter’s dress, ordered in February for elder daughter’s August wedding, still hadn’t arrived, and prom was Saturday night.

We drove to the dress shop on Monday and asked for solutions from the owner. He offered her any dress in his shop for free to fill in if hers didn’t arrive in time — or even if it did. She tried on a dozen and left with a stunning number we never could’ve afforded. Hers arrived late that Friday and she ended up wearing both, making a change halfway through just for fun.

I remember my older daughter’s prom three years ago. We didn’t have the money for a gown that year, but we went looking one day anyway. She tried one on, and said to me, “I think I had a dream about this dress last night.” She was simply transformed when she had it on. We bought it. Later that week, my uncle sent her money for a graduation dress that nearly covered the entire cost.

All this made me start thinking about my own prom. I was a freshman, asked to go by a senior. My family was dirt poor. My parents had just split up and we’d moved out to the middle of nowhere, onto a farm of all things. For some reason I found myself up in the attic where (I’m not making this up) I found two gowns, one green and one orange, along with matching sandals, all packed away in a box. Everything was in my size too, which with size 9 shoes and a scrawny 5′11″ frame, was nothing short of amazing.

I am totally convinced that God put those things there for me. I remember my dad arguing with my mom about my “borrowing” them for the prom that year. But she made sure that I cleaned them and put them back when the dance was over.

Why would God do that? Why would He care about how my daughters and I were dressed for proms in 1973, 2005 and 2008? All I can really tell you is that He did. And in Matthew 22, He seems to care how people are dressed for His wedding feast. So maybe it’s because He cares about what we care about. Or maybe it’s because He has a prom of His own going on. You’ll find it in Revelation 19, where He’s preparing for the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Just don’t ask what’s on the menu…

One Hundred Words (11)

05/30/2008, 12:00 pm -- by Connie | No Comments

With so much time spent sitting in a hospital lately, I made a new friend with some interesting things to teach.

Life Lessons from Abraham Lincoln:

– 1865 wasn’t that long ago. I thought of Abe as a founding father, yet had he not been killed, he could have met my grandparents.

– Politics didn’t just get corrupt. Old Honest Abe knew how to make a deal.

– Appreciate what you have. In describing Niagara Falls, Lincoln wrote: “…when Adam met his Maker…when Moses led Israel through the Red Sea…before Christ suffered…Niagara roared here.”

– He loved his wife.

–CSM

American Health Care

05/27/2008, 10:30 am -- by Connie | No Comments

Which of these scenarios was worst?

1– It’s 2 am in a strange large city, and I’m with my elderly uncle, serving as his health care proxy. With us is his sister, my mother (also elderly), with whom he lives. We’ve been in the ER for 7 hours. He has fallen and broken three ribs, one of the most painful injuries there is.

In walks a young resident; earlier he rudely told me that hospital policy only allows one visitor per patient. I confidently explained that security had bent that rule for us, only to be sarcastically told to leave immediately.

I look around for my mother and she has fled, using her terrible navigational skills to go hide, who-knows-where. I leave the doctor with a few words, and then go looking for her…

——————

2– 1:35 pm: we’re still in the ER. I have buzzed the nurse three times. My uncle needs his morphine shot, but five minutes after my first buzz — which was almost an hour ago — Amy began discharging a patient. Paperwork takes time.

After 15 minutes, I asked her to come and give her attention as he was in enormous pain. That was my job. That was her job.

30 minutes later, she came in and asked what she could do. She spent five minutes arguing with me, then found his paperwork, and determined his pain shot had been due at 10 am. He hadn’t had one since 8 am. She did paperwork for 45 minutes, while he went without pain relief for six hours.

——————

3– After 21 hours, my uncle finally gets a bed upstairs. It takes a few hours to get a PCA device hooked up so that he can get morphine on demand. His new nurse comes in and notices that he’s slumped down in his bed, and decides he needs to be moved up or he won’t be able to breathe well. As they begin, he is in such agony that he nearly passes out.

When he’s finished, she wants him to do some deep breathing to help with his pain; I pass him his pain button. She snaps at me to not interfere, arguing that it’s better for him to use it afterwards to calm down. Well, somebody better get me one then, because that’s not what pain relief is for. It’s to relieve PAIN!!!

We have a serious talk about what she had just put him through, and to my surprise, she agreed and apologized, saying it won’t happen again. In the meantime, my uncle was nearly in shock; by then, the pain relief couldn’t even begin to help him.

——————

Unfortunately, all three of these things happened to us within 24 hours, and they were equally horrific. This is the state of health care today. Doctors and nurses at the hospital treat the elderly like just another job – a check box on a To-Do list, rather than people who are loved and cherished, who mean the world to someone.

These “professionals” had no compassion; they were punching in and getting through the day. If I was in their way, they made sure I knew about it. I can’t remember the last time I had a dispute with someone, much less an argument. But here I had three in one day. Fortunately, this hospital had a patient advocate, to whom I could explain what went on, and ask for help and action about these and other things that happened.

But what about those patients without family, or the ones too weak to speak up, who must endure these indignities every day? Do they just suffer quietly?

Or do they just die?

This Week in Connie

04/17/2008, 10:14 am -- by Connie | 4 Comments

I know we’re all busy, but I thought I’d give you a glimpse into my life. Here’s some things I will and will not do this week:

I will help throw a fantastic shower for my son’s beautiful fiance Karen.
I will not listen to Barack or Billary attack each other.
I will stop eating junk for the next two weeks.
I will not buy a new car. This week or EVER! So shut up, Billy Fuccillo!

I will balance my checkbook.
I will research passive puppies for smaller homes.
I will not go on Spring Break.
I will not get a puppy . . . though this may change closer to April 28th.

I will not file my taxes on April 15. Extension time!
I will file Sarah’s taxes on April 15, and I will finish my taxes later this week. Really!

I will pray diligently for my friends with many needs, I will work at two different jobs this week (three if you count this one), and I will pick up my daughter’s amazing wedding dress with her.

I will also watch Survivor.

I will not go see Prom Night (sorry, Sarah), go to dinner anywhere until after the weddings, buy anything from an 800 number, or worry about facial lines and wrinkles.

And above all, I will not stress out over things I have no control over, like . . . NO! See the beginning of that sentence!

Bweinh! Goes to the Movies — Leatherheads

04/9/2008, 1:43 pm -- by Connie | 3 Comments

Read all our movie reviews here.

Sarah and I hit the local theater last night to see George, Renee, and — let’s face it, John Krasinski (I really miss The Office) — in Leatherheads, which had been touted as a quick-witted romantic comedy. Sure enough, it scored some points.

The story follows the birth of professional football through a scruffy little team called the Duluth Bulldogs, headed up by George Clooney. But the team is headed for the exits until he gets the idea of featuring a star player, who happens to come along in the form of war hero/college star Bullet Rutherford (Krasinski) who may be hiding some secrets from the war. Renee Zellweger plays an ambitious reporter expecting a promotion if she can uncover those secrets, and there’s our love triangle. Let’s set our pinball game into motion and see if we rack up any fun.

The main characters were fine; you just cannot go wrong with George and Renee and their dialogue. It was well-written and fast paced, taking me back to the Groucho Marx/Cary Grant era of verbal sparring that was just so much fun to experience. Cool! Extra ball!

But there was something lacking in the Rutherford character. Krasinski lacks the charisma of a true movie star; when he’s not smiling, he tends to disappear into the background, something that just doesn’t happen with Clooney. Still like John better, though. Even worse, when it came to the climax of the story, we couldn’t decide who to root for! Bullet hadn’t really done anything wrong, but the reporter hadn’t either — so what were we to do? This whole part needed a rewrite. Sarah and I are available. Lose a turn…

Ultimately, we enjoyed the movie a lot, although at 1:54, it could have been about 15 or 20 minutes shorter. So I’m taking the letters E and I from “edit” out of Bweinh!, and only giving it a five out of seven for a final rating of “Bwnh!” Game over.

Year of Jubilee

04/2/2008, 2:30 pm -- by Connie | 1 Comment

“Consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you . . .” — Leviticus 25:10

Last Friday was my birthday, and not just any birthday — my year of jubilee. It’s a gift God gave to the Israelites: a Sabbath of Sabbaths. It restored lands and other property to people, so that once in a lifetime they’d have a chance to start over, perhaps retire, without overwhelming debt and despair. Unfortunately, greed and other factors prevented anyone from actually ever experiencing Jubilee, except on some weird old Star Trek episode once. The gift was offered but never received.

A few years ago I began to notice that the weather on my birthday was unseasonably beautiful, and I found myself thanking God each year for the extra birthday gift. It would be sunny and 50-60 with unusual warm breezes, I’d be grabbing a coffee, and the clerk would say, “What a great day, huh?” I’d reply, “Oh you’re welcome. It was just a little birthday gift from God for me today.”

My daughter has a sweet friend who challenges me on this point every year and he “wrote on my wall” last Friday, pointing out that the weather was not up to its usual standard. Boy, he was right about that.

But as I passed by a window first thing that morning, knowing that the weather forecast wasn’t backing up my usual claims, and wishing I’d kept my extra birthday gift secret — just between me and God — suddenly, He took my breath away. The tree branches were lined perfectly with an overnight snow that was so beautiful, I didn’t even mind that it wasn’t 50. We stepped outside to a sunny morning where everything was sparkling so brilliantly that I couldn’t begin to ask for a different gift. He did it just right. And I took it, and loved it.

Thank you, Father. Bring on my Jubilee.

March Madness?

03/19/2008, 6:00 pm -- by Connie | 5 Comments

Few things interest me less than the spring frenzy surrounding college basketball. Despite the fact that I was 5’11″ all through high school (oh yeah — that was fun), basketball never interested me — until, that is, my daughters began to play.

My eldest daughter’s team won a sectional title and made it to the regional state quarterfinals, the first team in school history to make it that far. As a senior the next year, Rose scored her 1500th point and her team was poised to go all the way, until they were knocked out by one point in their first, last and only loss of an amazing season. What a terrible disappointment. Nothing can bring me to laughter quicker than when one of my children is laughing — and nothing brings me to tears faster than when one of them is hurting. We mourned this death.

Three years passed and it’s my other daughter’s senior year. Sarah’s team started the season with a one-point loss in a preseason tournament hundreds of miles away. Continued here!

Best of Connie — Bweinh!kat Manor

03/5/2008, 4:00 pm -- by Connie | No Comments

Originally published November 7, 2007.

I’ve avoided writing articles thus far, partly because I was convinced no one here is interested in the same things I am. But Steve’s rankings and a rant last weekend have loosened my tongue, so you’re in for a treat — or not. If the stats are right, and nearly 2000 folks are traipsing through our backyard each week, someone’ll care about my musings. If not, I’ll just go find a Meerkat Manor latte bar to drown my sorrows, for yes, today’s article is about the popular Animal Planet show.

I started watching the Manor last summer (season 2) and caught up quite quickly. It features a family of meerkats (the Whiskers) in the Kalahari Desert who have been studied for years now. There are dozens of mounted cameras everywhere, even in their burrows, and their whole lives are edited and spliced together for our amusement.

Let me assign the show’s roles to Bweinh!tributors so you can better relate, then I’ll share a little about what’s bothering me this year.

The leader of the clan is Flower. In Meerkat society, females rule the roost, but for today, we’ll call her Steve. Steve is a good leader and takes good care of her group, but life is tough out in the desert, and the rest of the family doesn’t always do what they’re supposed to do. For example, poll answers don’t come in on time and she has to email reminders two or three times — not easy with those claws — or clashes are assigned, but only one side comes in. Heavy is the head…poor Flower/Steve.

Some of the other adult females vying for the crown in our drama are Flower’s daughters Mozart (Djere), Daisy (Tom), and Kinkajou (MC-B). She also has a mate Zaphod (Chloe), his brother Youssarian (Josh), and sons Shakespeare (Mike) and Mitch (Hoss). There are also neighbors, with whom turf wars spring up regularly, named Frank Zappa (David), Lola (Erin), Hannibal (Dave), his son Wilson (Karen) — and Houdini, a roving rogue male who travels around scoring with the ladies (here’s where we put Job, though I mean no disrespect on his upstanding character). I am narrator Sean Austin.

Last year the shows were exciting. Life was precarious, and death always imminent, but somehow the Whiskers were always able to fight back the odds. When Mike was bitten by a snake, we followed his every move for a week, as he slowly recovered his strength and rejoined the Bweinh! staff to Clash again. When the clan got separated, and the newborn pups were about to get eaten by David and Erin’s gang, back came the rest of the Whiskers just in time! Josh J. even tried to move newborn pups, nearly resulting in their demise — but did they die? No! Was there ever any doubt? No! Not until this year.

This season, Steve, protecting her pups, went down into the burrow to confront a cobra, and the next thing we saw was a 30-second shot of her horribly swollen, snakebitten face, as a voice over by Sean described her imminent death. EXCUSE ME??? FLOWER CAN’T DIE! SHAKESPEARE DIDN’T! Where’s all the footage of the action? What happened to the pups? Where did the snake go? Did the other meerkats die too? Why the cover-up???

“THE DESERT HAS LOST HER FAVORITE ROSE”?? HOW ABOUT A LITTLE EXPLANATION, SEAN???

To make matters worse, on the next show, they chose a new dominant named Rocketdog. ROCKETDOG??? WHO THE HECK IS ROCKETDOG??? It’s like loading up Bweinh! one day and finding a new guy in charge, everyone just pretending like he’s always been here. “Oh yeah,” they say, “That’s, um, Bob-Hamster. Don’t you know him?” SHUT UP! There is no Rocketdog! But there she is, with the stupid collar on her neck. I never saw her before this season, but we’re supposed to believe she belongs…

How much worse could it get with only two shows left? Two weeks after Steve is killed, they follow with a tender love story with Djere and Karen — and after this, we all needed it. Poor Djere was expelled from the group by Steve for arguing over issues of dominance, and had to find a new place to live; his mate died, he and sister MC-B were chased away, then MC-B died, leaving Djere all alone. As Karen and Djere get together, Sean announces that Djere’s problems are possibly all behind him. But wait! A sudden storm starts a lightning fire and leaves our couple homeless.

Karen takes Djere home to meet the folks (Erin and Dave). Unfortunately, when they get there, they find them in a giant battle with BobHamster, Chloe and Tom. Karen, being her father’s son, joins in, and Djere is forced to retire to the sidelines and wait it out until morning. Karen cannot sleep, Sean assures us, as all he can think of is Djere, and as soon as the dawn arrives, he sets out in search of his love. Sean then describes the harsh conditions once again, which should have given us fair warning, but enough is enough, right? Nope.

Djere’s lifeless little body is the next shot. Our reward for the loyalty we’ve given this show is that in two weeks, we lost Steve, Djere and MC-B — and gained some idiot named Bob-Hamster who we don’t care about. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to bail.

Hey, thanks for listening. Barkeep? I’ll have another Decaf Caramel Turtle please.

Actually, just keep ‘em coming…

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