Biography of Josh T

03/9/2007, 9:15 am -- by Josh T | 2 Comments

Who am I?

Let me tell you a story.

After I graduated from college, I took a job as a police officer in a small city in northwestern VT. I was living by myself in a small apartment, and like a kitten that had been taken away from its mother too soon, I didn’t know how to cook or take care of myself. It was very common for me to become hungry and discover I had no food in the apartment.

One day I received a care package from my folks. My mother had included a large family-sized tub of raisins; no doubt she was trying to promote healthy eating habits in her little kitten. I was hungry, and because I had no food in the house, I sat down in front of a National Geographic special about ants in the Amazon river valley, and proceeded to consume the entire tub of raisins.

Continued here!

Quote of the Day, 3/9/07

03/9/2007, 7:00 am -- by Steve | No Comments

“Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.” – Gail Godwin

Ask Bweinh! Poll — Worst Presidents Ever

03/8/2007, 12:30 pm -- by Steve | 7 Comments

It’s a special bonus poll! This time, it’s the bottom of the barrel, the worst presidents ever, still brought to you by our friends at Midas.

Rank	President	Points
1.	Bill Clinton	16
2.	Warren Harding	10
3.	Jimmy Carter	8
4.	Lyndon Johnson	6
5-8 (tie)	John F. Kennedy, Ulysses S. Grant, James Buchanan, William Henry Harrison	5
9.	Richard Nixon	4
10-11 (tie)	John Adams, Franklin Pierce	3
Other	Andrew Johnson, Franklin Roosevelt, George Washington	1-2

Local Man Loses Mega Millions Jackpot, Grocery Money

03/8/2007, 11:00 am -- by Steve | No Comments

-TUXEDO, NY

Officials from the New York State Lottery Board confirmed Thursday that local mechanic Frank G. Horner, who risked $200 in family grocery money on Mega Millions tickets last weekend, was indeed the record 340,588,745th loser of this week’s $390 million drawing. As a loser, Horner is immediately entitled to his share of a losers’ jackpot of $0.00, payable in one lump sum or over a period of twenty years.

“It hasn’t really sunk in yet,” said Horner’s wife, Ann, scraping the last of the family’s peanut butter onto a flour tortilla for her three young children to split for dinner. “I’m still pretty numb, you know. From the shock, and also the cold, I guess.

“Frank spent the money for the power bill too.”

The Horner family is hardly alone in their fortune — with tickets that sold at a rate of over one million/hour the frenzied night before the drawing, New York is a national leader in lottery losers. Sales estimates range upward of forty million losing tickets, so it’s likely tens of thousands of Empire State waitresses, secretaries, and snowplow operators are contemplating just how to spend that unexpected $0.00 windfall, as they rummage through their couch cushions for gas money.

And the reasons are simple. Most everyone knows the odds of losing the Mega Millions jackpot are a comforting 176,000,000:175,999,999. But even when 352 million tickets are sold, all but a paltry 592 will fall short of winning $10,000 or more. Even when you include $150 winners, losers still carry the day safely, at a rate of approximately 27,077:27,076.

“You are literally more likely to lose this jackpot than you are to die — and I mean die of anything, ever, in your entire life,” said RIT statistics professor, Dr. Bruce Gongaware. “Of course these people are betting money they don’t have to spend; it’s an obvious win-win-lose-lose-lose-lose-lose situation!”

Whatever you call it, it’s easy to see why people like Frank G. Horner have turned to the multi-state lottery for all their sure-bet loss needs. But like so many losers before him, Frank says he won’t let the results change him.

“With the jackpot down to only a few million, you won’t catch me risking my family’s cash in the lottery this week. No, I’ll take care of that money the old-fashioned way.

“I’ll drink it.”

Ask Bweinh! Poll — Best Presidents Ever

03/8/2007, 9:30 am -- by Steve | No Comments

Wake the children, call the dog, run for help — it’s another Ask Bweinh! poll! Sponsored, as always, by Midas — home of odd ethnically balanced advertisements!

Today, we’ll tell you about presidents — first our top five of all time.

Rank	President	Points
1.	Ronald Reagan	19
2-3 (tie)	George Washington, Abraham Lincoln	14
4.	Calvin Coolidge	7
5-6 (tie)	Dwight Eisenhower, Teddy Roosevelt	4
7-8 (tie)	George W. Bush, William Howard Taft	3
9-10 (tie)	Thomas Jefferson, James Garfield	2
Other	Richard Nixon, Dennis “el Presidente” Martinez, James Madison	1

Joke of the Day, 3/8/07

03/8/2007, 7:00 am -- by Steve | 1 Comment

What do you call a room full of guitarists?

Jail.

Being “Individual”

03/7/2007, 11:12 pm -- by Tom | No Comments

It’s only fitting how the concept of individuality can take such different forms in different people. You can claim your style of dress sets you apart, or your taste in music, the sports you like to watch, the sports you like to play — even the sports you like to dislike. Political party affiliations or opinions, hair and make-up style, or views on any philosophical idea can be expanded to become, in one’s mind, the trait that sets self apart from other.

The idea of individuality’s “forms” came to me while I mused over the meaning of a recent dream. I briefly considered using a “meaning of dreams” Google search to find a “professional’s” opinion of what my dream meant, but quickly pooh-poohed the idea. Knowing as I do that dream “interpreters” will, like psychics, psychologists or actuaries, keep their ideas as general as possible, I felt it futile to even bother looking. Then it occurred to me that an idea applied to everyone can still be applied to me. Just because something is a mirror in which anyone can see his reflection does not mean he can’t use that image to spot the crumbs in his beard.

For years, our culture has loudly and superficially valued uniqueness as one of the most admirable character qualities, while subtly rewarding those who maintain the status quo. The subculture as a concept exists to allow a piece of society to swallow one person’s view of his own uniqueness, rendering him as much a sheep as any other member of society. By clinging to their superficial individuality, these people become even more seamlessly integrated with their fellows.

A more realistic way of looking at things would be to acknowledge the fact that any and every aspect of your life is duplicated almost exactly in countless other people. There’s no need to resign yourself to this fact, because the sum of these disparate aspects is certainly unique. Focus on doing things you enjoy, follow trends if that’s what you want, and accept that your horoscope was spot on – you did meet someone and gave them a second chance to make a first impression, and they turned out to be a totally cool person!

Just don’t dye your hair, clothes and taste in music black, and think it makes your sheep black too.

Bonoh no!

03/7/2007, 10:00 pm -- by Job Tate | No Comments

So it turns out that Bono and Company’s Red Campaign to eliminate third world debt only produced an underwhelming $18 million despite the $100 million it spent on its advertising blitz.

But c’mon – “Uno, dos, tres, catorce“?

We knew Bono couldn’t count anyway…

Picture of the Day, 3/7/07

03/7/2007, 3:25 pm -- by Steve | No Comments

Bible Discussion: Genesis 1-4

03/7/2007, 10:30 am -- by Steve | 30 Comments

Every Wednesday, Bweinh.com will discuss a passage from the Bible. And this week, we start at the very beginning, looking at Genesis chapters 1 through 4.

INTRODUCTION:
Steve:
It seems there’s a widening dichotomy these days between those who read the opening to Genesis as a scientific textbook, and those who see it as an ancient creation myth, on par with the claim that Earth rides on the back of a giant turtle.

I stake a claim between those two positions, believing wholeheartedly in the divine creation of the universe as told in Genesis, while remaining largely unconcerned about specific details undefined by the text. This story was not meant to answer all the scientific and philosophical questions surrounding the origin of the world; if it had been, it would have befuddled all its readers, ancient and modern. What it tells us is enough, and what it tells us is not only perfectly compatible with the discoveries of science, but God’s simple and singular command for light to ‘be’ seems more and more apt as the Big Bang is explained theoretically.

Job:
I’ve always wondered if this springboard to the Bible, these first four chapters, is where most people in their darkest hour flip – having turned to God in anger, frustration, pain or confusion. Subsequently, I’ve always wished that the Gideons would put their “recommended reading” page right between the first and second chapters. An ambush of sorts.

Continued here!

Quote of the Day, 3/7/07

03/7/2007, 7:00 am -- by Steve | No Comments

“I shall have this good at least: that till death I shall have done all that is in me to love Him.” – Brother Lawrence

Thoughts about Romney

03/6/2007, 10:45 pm -- by Steve | 1 Comment

What a week for Mitt Romney — first he tied with Newt Gingrich for the coveted presidential Bweinh!dorsement, then he took home first place at the Conservative Political Action Conference this weekend, edging out Rudy Giuliani, Sam Brownback and Gingrich. It’s hard to say which honor he valued most.

But now the governor faces attack right here, on two fronts: his past views and his religion. Job has declared he would never vote for Gov. Romney, and although he mentions the governor’s past in passing, it seems quite clear that even if a hypothetical ideological clone of Job came to his house to ask for campaign help, the first follow-up question would be a religious test.

“Forget about your universal respect for life, your peculiarly countercultural views on certain issues, and your penchant for self-photography in urban areas, sir, the question stands — do you or do you not read the ‘Pearl of Great Price’ as SCRIPTURE?”

Continued here!

Evangelical Christians and Their Avatar…

03/6/2007, 8:59 pm -- by Job Tate | No Comments

Romney I’d like to take this opportunity to address any members of my Christian faith who take this country and her politics seriously: I have zero intention of ever voting for Mitt Romney. And yep, kiddoes, it’s pure prejudice.

Some of my favorite believers are placing themselves in his camp, including one of my brothers and fellow Bweinh.com contributors, Josh. They say that they are not electing a national pastor, but a President.

Ya kidding me?

The very reasons these Christians like him — his sudden support for the pro-life movement and his opposition to gay marriage — are Biblically-based views…but when it comes to Mr. Romney’s affection/respect for that same Bible, you’re willing to accept his chilling perversion of it?

You see him, then, as some sort of proxy vehicle for your beliefs? An avatar riding parallel to your thoughts, while being fueled by something altogether different?

In what God does he trust, exactly? Every President since Roosevelt has felt compelled to add to his Presidential oath of office the words, “so help me God.” Are you willing to cringe when hearing him say those same words on a cold January ’09 morning, as you consciously try not to look at whatever scripture he’s swearing on?

I’ve only ever voted for one President. Twice. A no punch-pullin’ Methodist outta Texas.

I have no intention of breaking this streak, no matter how young a streak it is. We’re a Christian nation with plenty of capable Christian men and women that want this nomination. But we’re shifting our support away from men like Mike Huckabee to people we perceive might have a better chance of winning? Men who just five years ago would have been aggressively labeled as RINOs (Republicans in name only) and derisively dismissed for their categorically liberal views?

Don’t be fooled.

That stupid little Von Dutch hat

03/6/2007, 1:10 pm -- by Job Tate | 1 Comment

Von Dutch hate He wore it all the time. Legend was he even slept in it. And hating him, we hated that hat. So we came to the decision one night, over IBC root beer and Oatmeal Creme Pies, that the hat had to die, and die spectacularly. No simple grab and run, throw on the top of a roof scenario. We desired a true, live-wire Mafia hit.

But it never left his smarmy little skull. We knew we’d have to bide our time.

For an entire semester we did just that. He was from the other dorm, South Hall, and was one of their pedigree front men. Our disdain for him had to be carefully veiled, lest we upset the precious balance that kept relations between the two houses of Houghton at a somewhat reasonable peace. Oh, to be sure, he hated us just as much. In fact, we two vied for the affections of the same young doe-eyed lass. But the passive observer would’ve thought we served in ‘Nam together or something, with our back-slapping brand of camaraderie; elliptical orbits taking us in and out of the same groups of friends.

His mistake was the Homecoming Dinner, or rather going to the Homecoming Dinner…the type of event one does not normally wear a stupid little Von Dutch hat to.

My friend (we’ll call him Rick, although this was not even remotely his name) and I made eye-contact over a row of tables when we saw him enter the cafeteria, hatless, but compensating with some doe eyes on his arm.

We knew the time was now. I was Homecoming King, of all the freaks of nature, and Rick had the prettiest girl at the dinner, but we knew the moment demanded an expediency of action that superseded these elements.

I nodded. He nodded back.

What began over IBC and Creme Pies was finished by abandoning sparkling cider and filet mignon. We excused ourselves and reconnoitered by the coats, breathless. Down the trail to South Hall we ran, the campus eerily empty.

Into the hated hall, somewhat confused by the unfamiliar layout, we found the hunted’s lair.

Inhale, exhale.
Looked to the left.
Looked to the right.
Still breathless.

The door was unlocked!

We bum-rushed the room, expecting a difficult search — but there, like the golden chalice, sat the stupid little Von Dutch hat on top of his Aiwa stereo.

Our hearts pounded a jungle beat. I was blinded with opportunity, revenge choking my vision. Those doe eyes squeezing shut with the laugh he had just given her.

Rick to the rescue. A pair or scissors glinted under the light of the Lava Lamp.

Deftly, smoothly; more for me than for him.

A gray, sweat-stained Von Dutch hat cut neatly into three pieces.

They spelled out, on his pillow case:

R.I.P.

Our filet mignon was still warm.

Clash of the Titans II: Blondes v. Brunettes

03/6/2007, 11:30 am -- by Steve | 2 Comments

In this corner, arguing for the supremacy of blondes, we have Tom!

And in this corner, arguing that brunettes are #1, we have Josh J!

Vickie Lynn Hogan. Norma Jean Dougherty. Two lovely young women. Two talented young women. But two beloved American icons? Not without a little something extra. A little something I like to call Vitamin B – Blonde!

Long before tragedy tore these blindingly brilliant bombshells from the frantic grasp of the collective adoration of their public, the common thread woven through the lives of Anna Nicole Smith and Marilyn Monroe was just that – commonality. But with a little luck, some old-fashioned gumption, and a bottle of peroxide, two legends were made, not born.

Is this only a statistical anomaly? Success based on hair color alone? One merely has to look at the culture beyond Hollywood to find the answer. Blonde hair is described as golden, historically a metal highly prized for its hue and sheen. Even the “cheapest” of artificially blonde hair is called platinum, a metal even more highly valued than gold. For third place in the Hair Olympics, blonde comes along yet again, with silver. The best a brunette can hope for is a little bit of red somewhere in her hair’s muddled tone, so she can settle for the ‘honor’ of “coppery” tresses.

Throughout history, blonde hair has been the most highly valued hair color. Evelyn de Morgan’s classic depiction of the legendary Helen of Troy does not find her lamenting her mousy, tangled locks. No, a veritable halo of spun sunlight cascades down her back. She even lifts a delicate handful of golden curls as if to say, “My sisters! This, this is the hair that launched a thousand ships!”

While it is true that natural blond hair is a natural rarity, that scarcity is part of its charm. After all, a young lady presented with a floral incarnation of her paramour’s affection might scoff if it takes the form of the common daisy. But a man who presents his beloved with an edelweiss plucked from a barren cliff face miles from civilization will find a much warmer reception. Scarcity is the mother of demand.

Much like a speech impediment, it can come from pure genetics, or it can come from a bottle. Only her stylist knows for sure. Either way, it’s indisputable: blondes have more fun.

When I first took this assignment, I didn’t stop to think about the potential pitfalls of making this argument: my blonde friends, the blondes I’ve dated (well, there’s only been one, but still), even my blonde sister. I’m sorry, ladies. You’re all beautiful, but I’m sticking to my guns.

I’m all about the brunettes. My first crush was a brunette, as was my first girlfriend. Any time I enter a situation that involves meeting new women, it is invariably a brunette that catches my eye.

The fact is, Tom is actually in danger of offending innumerably more women (as is to be expected). I don’t have any exact figures, but brunettes certainly outnumber blondes by a wide margin. Brunettes are akin to the largest high schools that dominate athletics becuase they have the widest talent pools from which to draw performers. You just have better odds of finding a gorgeous brunette – brown hair is the dominant trait. In addition, because dark hair is so common, you’re in no danger of finding one of those ladies who acts like she is better than you, simply because of the color of her hair.

I’m not alone in my preference. A recent national survey reveals that 75% of men would choose to marry a brunette, and 80% would rather bring a brunette home to meet dear old mom. Even more amazing, I didn’t just make up those stats.

A less skilled or inspired commentator might resort to a few blonde jokes, or cracks about their collective intelligence. I won’t stoop to that level, but I will say that I certainly find intelligence very attractive. Anyway, I change my light bulbs by myself.

Brunettes are natural, mysterious, and offer a wide array of cultural traits. But for all the wonderful things I could say, for me, the entire debate about the appeal of brunettes and blondes comes down to one simple quote:

“Every decade has an iconic blonde like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana, and right now I’m that icon.” — Paris Hilton

{democracy:3}

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