Evil eBay

July 3, 2007, 12:00 pm; posted by
Filed under Articles, Humor, Job  | 1 Comment

From the Best of Job, December 2005.

Me Evil eBay.

Every now and then Good eBay make mistake. Good eBay change mind about bid. It look like Good eBay actually going to win guitar Good eBay bid on! Turn out Good eBay doesn’t want guitar. Oh no! What Good eBay going to do?

You need me take blame? I take blame for Good eBay. Good eBay don’t want to lose perfect feedback rating!

Evil eBay has completely different email address and hometown than Good eBay. But in fact, we both same person. I gladly take blame for Good eBay. I outbid Good eBay to take load off Good eBay’s bidding shoulders. That what Evil eBay do.

Oh no! Argh. Some guy in Oregon sell you book but when it come it not actually book you bid on? And when you wrote him he write back and say “tough break”?

This make Evil eBay turn into Angry eBay. Evil eBay begin long, protracted war on guy in Oregon. Evil eBay employ all tools in proverbial Evil eBay toolbox.

He “bid” $600 on antique hutch. He pretend to be “Wesley Smithson” from Huntington, CT. He never even been to Huntington, but Evil eBay sure it lovely town. Lovely town full of hard-working, honest-bidding people.

When “bid” over, Wesley Smithson disappear like person in scary movie. Like person in Witness Protection Program. Wesley Smithson start new life.

Guy in Oregon very sad. Guy in Oregon must start over. Happy bidding, Hutch Boy.

Evil eBay say “tough break.”

Evil eBay been all over world. Evil eBay even live in Nepal for few days. Evil eBay bid 300 Rupees on espresso machine for Buddhist temple. Evil eBay not saddened by exorbitant shipping and handling charge. Evil eBay simply could not care any less. Evil eBay get tuckered out not caring.

Evil eBay Protestant, not Buddhist, silly goose.

That what Evil eBay do.


Comments

1 Comment to “Evil eBay”

  1. Connie on July 3rd, 2007 4:03 pm

    I love this one. I just wish I had thought of it.

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