The Pantheon of Saints

07/20/2007, 9:30 am -- by David | 1 Comment

Perhaps I’m a bit prickly but I can live with that. After all, I’m 46 years old, I’ve lived probably a good two-thirds of my life, and time is too short to mince words. So I’ll just ask the question and get it over with: am I the only one who gets annoyed when people throw the title “saint” around? You know what I mean — Saint Ambrose, Saint Francis, Saint Patrick. What exactly are we talking about?

Vine’s Concise Dictionary of the Bible defines “saint,” in its entirety, as: hagios (40), used as a noun in the singular in Phil. 4:21, where pas (“every”) is used with it. In the plural as used of believers, it designates all such, and is not applied merely to persons of exceptional holiness, or to those who, having died, were characterized by certain acts of “saintliness.” See especially 2 Thess. 1:10, where “His saints” are also described as “them that believed,” i.e., the whole number of the redeemed.

The Bible defines saints as believers. That’s pretty simple. It’s talking about you and me.

If the word in the Bible simply refers to us, the believers, the whole company of the redeemed, then why does Christendom have these super-sized idols we call saints? Where did the concept come from, to take men after their death and elevate them to the status of demi-gods, worshiped and venerated by the masses? Ah, it hearkens back (again) to that dark time when paganism began to creep into the church in 4th Century Rome.

Ever heard of emperor worship? The Romans had a temple called the Pantheon, containing all the gods of the state. Any Caesar could ascend to the Pantheon after death if he was found worthy. If he made it, he entered a vast consortium of gods and idols, any of whom the citizens of Rome could beseech by prayer and supplication, for benefits and blessings. They weren’t wholly divine but they weren’t quite human either. Half-gods perhaps, the perfect vehicle for the church to adopt as a model, to multiply the idolatrous options offered to the illiterate pagan populace and slowly supplant the true saints of the early church.

After all, even with their pagan leanings, how could they allow Christians to drink and brawl in the streets in the name of Jove or Dionysus? So let them drink and brawl to the Christian saints! Have you ever seen Public Square in Watertown, NY, at closing time on St. Patrick’s Day, the drunken celebrants flooding into the streets? The 1976 St. Patrick’s Day brawl was what led my hometown’s police to begin carrying pepper spray. Patrick would be appalled!

In the same way, we couldn’t have Christians asking Ceres or Athena for wisdom or help with a good harvest. So let them pray to the Christian saints! And so we have developed our own Pantheon, populated with gross distortions of truly godly men and women, who served their Savior well, only to be used after death by unscrupulous leaders to ensnare the Christian world in idolatry.

If you use the word “saint” around me, don’t be put off if I think you are referring to me — or you.

Joke of the Day, 7/20/07

07/20/2007, 7:00 am -- by Steve | No Comments

Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder?

The DNA’s all the same and there are no dental records!

Counting Crows Lyrics You Don’t Want to Quote to Undercover Officers

07/19/2007, 2:30 pm -- by Steve | No Comments

Best of Steve, February 2005.

1 — I’m gonna set fire to this city.

2 — If you wrap yourself in daffodils, I will wrap myself in pain.

3 — We can talk a while, baby; we can take it nice and slow.

4 — I was wasted in the afternoon, waiting on a train.

5 — Cut up Maria! Show me some of that Spanish dancing!!

6 — I’ll be your engine driver in a bunny suit, if you dress me up in pink and white. We may be just a little fuzzy ’bout it later tonight.

7 — She can’t stop shaking — and I can’t stop touching her.

8 — They’re gonna make a movie from the things that they find crawling ’round my brain. I wish I was a girl.

OOCCTE, Hot and Fresh

07/19/2007, 12:45 pm -- by Steve | 1 Comment

{democracy:87}

Ask Bweinh! Poll — Favorite Chore

07/19/2007, 11:30 am -- by Steve | No Comments

Today’s Ask Bweinh! poll is brought to you by J. Milton Eckerd, founder of the venerable Eckerd drugstore chain, since devoured by heartless criminal conglomerate Rite Aid. We miss you, Milty.

Rank	Chore	Points
1.	Vacuuming	17 (2)
2.	Dishes	17 (1)
3-4 (tie)	Sweeping; Cooking/Grilling	14
5.	Laundry	12
6-9 (tie)	Gardening; General Straightening; Making Lists; Setting Mousetrap	5
10-13 (tie)	Clearing things off DVR; Mopping; Emptying Mousetrap; Trash	4
Other	Redoing Rooms; Book Maintenance; Finances; Cleaning Kitchen; Puttering	1-3

Sex or Violence

07/19/2007, 10:00 am -- by Steve | No Comments

Best of Steve, November 2005.

What do you find more objectionable, violent content or sexual content? Why?

Which do you believe is more harmful to society? To children? To adults?

In last week’s Animadversion to his typically brilliant Tuesday Morning Quarterback column, Gregg Easterbrook wrote, “Can it be coincidence that global terrorism is increasing at the very time Hollywood is deluging the world with movies that say it’s fun and glamorous to kill the innocent?”

In the earlier column, Easterbrook pointed out a movie review which described as “genuine fun” a movie that began with “a beautiful woman being murdered by a man she just met,” continued with “dozens of graphic depictions of people being murdered, tortured or decapitated,” and ended with the first man “capturing another beautiful woman and grinning as he prepares to murder her.” This is unfortunately representative of many modern films, which pile one revolting scene of blood and gore upon another until the sight of decapitation or bludgeoning no longer shocks, or even surprises.

Desensitization. The more you are exposed to anything, the better you get at dealing with it. At pushing it aside, at classifying it in your mind, at immunizing yourself to its true nature and effects. The more it becomes part of your thoughts, the more normal it seems to you.

The less it affects you. The more you become its effect.

“Studies show the more cinematic depictions of violence to which a child is exposed, the more likely the child is to commit violent acts in adulthood.”

A Yahoo! News article, now missing from the Internet, made a similar point. “During the last week of September, there were 63 dead bodies visible during prime time on the six broadcast networks. That’s up sharply from the 27 bodies counted during the same week in 2004.” The article goes on to recount some of the ‘highlights’ – a “badly decomposed body,” a “maggot-covered head,” a “large chunk of bloody flesh,” a “driver speeding up to hit a woman,” a “victim of an auto-erotic asphyxiation,” and a “man screaming as he’s being burned alive.”

Ah, what fun.

Our societal preoccupation with sex has distorted self-images, broken hearts and families, spread disease, and caused much pain. But our desire to be entertained by violence has perhaps created an even more dangerous influence on society; people think in different ways, and they look at each other in different ways. Both are obviously bad for us. But many who would walk out of a film because of a sex scene, and righteously demand a refund, gladly plunk down eight or nine dollars to have their souls seared with the horrid dramatization of human suffering.

There’s a right and proper way to have a sexual relationship. Although most sexual content in popular culture twists that ideal in damaging ways, the nature of the gift itself remains divinely inspired.

There is neither a right nor a proper way to burn someone alive.

And the fact that some of you just considered whether there is indeed a ‘proper way’ may prove the point.

Thursday’s OOCCTE Answer

07/19/2007, 8:45 am -- by Steve | 1 Comment

What special note was in the summary of this tract??

If you picked “Adapted for black audiences,” you’re a winner!!

Quote of the Day, 7/19/07

07/19/2007, 7:00 am -- by Steve | No Comments

“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.” — R. Reagan

Just So You Know

07/18/2007, 3:00 pm -- by Steve | No Comments

Next week will be a vacation week for Bweinh.com, our first since we opened shop on March 1.

But make sure to stop by every day, as we’ll have regularly updated “best of” content from Monday to Friday, and all new jokes, quotes, and tract excerpts!

We’ll be back with you live starting on July 30th.

Battle of the Bands XX

07/18/2007, 1:30 pm -- by Steve | No Comments

Moving on is Stripe for Stripe!

{democracy:86}

Bible Discussion — Exodus 23-26

07/18/2007, 12:00 pm -- by Bweinh | 1 Comment

This week, Bweinh.com looks at the next four chapters of the Bible, Exodus 23-26.

Previously in Exodus: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-11 | 12-14 | 15-18 | 19-22

The book of Genesis:
1-4 | 5-9 | 10-14 | 15-18-2 | 19-22 | 23-26 | 27-29
30-32 | 33-36 | 37-39 | 40-43 | 44-46 | 47-50

INTRODUCTION:
David:
What may seem like a dry section of Scripture actually gives us some wonderful images and types of the Christian faith. Here the Mercy Seat is established, the place where God promised to “meet” and “commune” with his creation. I don’t think we comprehend what an amazing privilege we have in our fellowship with God.

Steve:
I think this passage has scared off some Bweinh!tributors this week. But we brave three shall soldier on!

SOMETHING YOU’D NEVER NOTICED BEFORE:
Steve:
Moses took 73 Israelite elders partway up the mountain, where they “saw God.” Clearly, from what Moses asks God later, they didn’t see God’s face, so I wonder what they did see. And who cleaned up after the meal.

David:
One of the shelves in my library is uneven and needs to be fixed.

BEST BAND NAME FROM THE PASSAGE:
Steve: Paved With Sapphire, Onyx in the Ephod
David: Six Branches
Chloe: Acacia, Young Goat

Continued here!

Prophets of the Rain

07/18/2007, 10:15 am -- by Chloe | 1 Comment

I won’t waste your time telling about the rain. You know the rain, its monotonous drip, drip, drip, its messy puddles and leaks. The rain is boring. It’s the oracles that are so alluring and stunning, the way they turn the storm into an electrical mess that muddles your senses and leaves you waiting for something both life-threatening and satisfying.

They come in the evenings, when it’s finally cool enough to go outside and work. If there’s a shed to be painted, a deck to be oiled, or lumber to haul, I can count on the clouds that hover like an alien ship to come crawling over the mountains in the south. These clouds aren’t blankets, oh, no. They are mountain ranges, arroyos, Grand Canyons flipped upside-down to create a skyscape that looms overhead and promises quite the show.

That’s how it starts, with the clouds. And then the birds begin to sing. I’ve heard that birds are most active before a storm, and the ruckus reminds me of an out-of-control high school class.

After the birds come the wind that, when it blows through the pine boughs, sounds like the tide on the wet sand. The wind brings with it the scent of the rain, that dusty metallic aroma of ozone. Then the air changes, an electrical charge that starts the birds off at a whole new decibel and pulls me further outside to feel the coming of the storm. Now the air is a rosy brown like old pictures and the wind chimes sing something familiar in the key of G and any moment now, any moment now, any…

The first drop is teasing, as if the clouds are demanding proof that I really want this deluge they’ve been dangling in front of me all evening. I reply with a shiver that can only come to a person who has been glorying in three-digit temperatures. Another drop falls and the old picture fades into a fog as that strange sheet comes tearing across the valley straight for me.

I won’t waste your time telling you about the rain. It is a disappointment, ten minutes of downpour that will evaporate in half the time. It wasn’t the rain I came out to see, though. It was the prophets of the rain.

Joke of the Day, 7/18/07

07/18/2007, 7:00 am -- by Steve | No Comments

A lawyer was painting his house when a hobo came by and asked if there was anything he could do to earn a few dollars.

“Sure,” the lawyer said. “Take this can of paint, go around the back of the house and paint my porch.”

The hobo did it, and 15 minutes later, he came back and said he was finished. “Already?,” the lawyer asked.

The hobo said, “Yeah, but it’s not a Porsche, it’s a Mercedes!“

Your Semiweekly Dose of OOCCTE

07/17/2007, 2:00 pm -- by Steve | 1 Comment

{democracy:84}

Clash of the Titans XXXVIII: Soda

07/17/2007, 12:15 pm -- by Steve | 4 Comments

In this corner, opposing soda, is Chloe!

And in this corner, supporting soda, is Mike!

So I did all this research for this Clash, 23 pages worth, and it thoroughly convinced me I was right in calling soda (pop) the drink from hell, and then I realized none of you care and you’re going to drink soda anyway.

Well, that’s okay. Rot your teeth. Get fat. Develop osteoporosis. See if I care.

That didn’t come out right. I do care. I also care if you develop cancer (from the benzene) or just keel over because you left your diet soda out in the heat and it turned into formaldehyde. Um, ew? The proof that I care is right here, this Clash. Soda just isn’t that healthy. (I’m thinking about pulling the “Your body is a temple of God” card, but I feel bad doing that unless I stop drinking high-fat coffee and eating potato chips.)

Soda also causes great strife. Whole families have been ripped down the middle by the soda v. pop debate. It’s tragic! How can we allow such a minute detail to break down the family unit? Why do we let this satanic drink rule our lives?

Soda facilitates drug use. Because people hear Coca-Cola used to have cocaine in it, they think that’s cool, and so they put cocaine in their soda. It also makes your ears turn green.

Soda makes you burp. Therefore, it facilitates bad manners and makes you look like a hick. An obese hick, with bendable bones and no teeth. Well, the bendable bones thing is cool, and you could make a lot of money at a carnival with that — except that you’re a hick, and no one wants to watch a hick bend his bones.

Soda is bubbly, which a lot of people like (it’s like your drink is spitting in your face; haven’t you realized that yet?), but when you think about it, it actually leads to drinking problems! See, people drink soda, get bored with the whole bubbly without the buzz thing, and look for something more potent. They find themselves at beer, and we all know that beer is a drink from hell. See? Drinking problems!

Soda leads to car accidents. How many times have you gotten that Yeti Gulp (100 ounces!!!) and found it didn’t fit in your miniscule drink holder? So you nestle it in the passenger seat, hoping the seatbelt will do the trick. Then it spills, you swear (another sign of the devil), and lean down to clean up the mess — then slam into the patrol car you didn’t see. Yeah, that was the soda’s fault.

Did I already mention that when you drink a soda, it’s actually spitting in your face?

I know, I know, many sound arguments can be raised against soda. It’s bad for your teeth, and your gums and probably rots your soul too. My worthy opponent will no doubt raise these and other points and build a sound case.

Against this, I can only ask: have you ever had a cold, really cold, just-barely-frozen Coca-Cola in a frosted mug with a twist of lime? If you have, you know that those sound arguments fade away into the background, along with all troubles and cares. There is, bar none, no better way to spend 140 calories. But if you have not, there is nothing I can do except insist that you go out and try it before casting your vote in this Clash. If you do, I’m certain your vote will be for me; if you do not, your poor benighted soul will vote against me.

We all know soda addicts: the jittery lass at the office who downs 12 Diet Cokes a day; the hefty fellow at the Chinese buffet who can’t settle for four pounds of fried wontons but has to wash them down with subpar root beer; the trucker who nurses a 64-ounce Double Big Gulp from Tulsa to Waco. This is not responsible soda consumption, taking a veritable nectar of the gods and turning it into a cheap drug, a stabilizing crutch for emotional problems.

You don’t have to drink soda at every meal; heck, you don’t even have to drink it every day! But tell me with a straight face that an excellent pizza doesn’t deserve a good Dr. Pepper. Tell me a hot-off-the-grill cheeseburger doesn’t deserve a cold Cherry Coke. Tell me 3rd Shen would have been anything without lukewarm Caffeine-Free Diet Coke the Salvation Army couldn’t give away. Tell me there’s anything as good as slightly flat ginger ale when you’re a little sick to your stomach. You cannot tell me these things! Your little health-conscious PC soul wishes to, but you cannot, because you know soda is an essential part of these slices of life.

Without soda, a root beer float is just a lump of boring vanilla. Without soda, church-reception punch is just cranberry juice. Without soda, burritos, bratwursts, pizzas and yes, even some breakfast cereals (Count Chocula, anyone?), are widowed, crying out for their mates who were created for them from the dawn of time.

Don’t deny them the companionship they so richly deserve. And don’t deny yourself one of life’s tingly pleasures–soda.

{democracy:85}

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