Jokes of the Day, 12/16/08

12/16/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

How do you stop a robot from destroying you and the rest of civilization?
You don’t.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a robot.

“Waiter! Waiter! What’s this robot doing in my soup?”
“It looks like he’s performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain.”

—J.A. Boyd

Quote of the Day, 12/15/08

12/15/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“Great perils have this beauty, that they bring to light the fraternity of strangers.” — V. Hugo

Quote of the Day, 12/12/08

12/12/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“Man never thinks himself happy, but when he enjoys those things which others want or desire. “ — A. Pope

Devotional Excerpt of the Day, 12/11/08

12/11/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“Living as we do in an imperfect world, we make our peace with its broken realities ”” sometimes we make our peace too easily. We begin to expect that we, too, will reflect its values. We begin to think that a bit of conspicuous consumption here, a degree of profanity there, a wandering and lustful eye here, a bit of sloth there, that all these things are normal, just part of being a person. It is and it isn\’t. It is normal, but it is far from the abundant life God has for us. And so Jesus asks us as well ”” ‘Do you want to be healed?'” — from Rev. Mike Jordan’s Advent devotion series. Check it out every day!

Quote of the Day, 12/10/08

12/10/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“And as the moon rose higher the inessential houses began to melt away until gradually I became aware of the old island here that flowered once for Dutch sailors’ eyes — a fresh, green breast of the new world. Its vanished trees, the trees that had made way for Gatsby’s house, had once pandered in whispers to the last and greatest of all human dreams; for a transitory enchanted moment man must have held his breath in the presence of this continent, compelled into an aesthetic contemplation he neither understood nor desired, face to face for the last time in history with something commensurate to his capacity for wonder.” — F.S. Fitzgerald

Joke of the Day, 12/9/08

12/9/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year. Every year Morris would say, “Esther, I\’d like to ride in that helicopter.”

Esther always replied, “I know, Morris, but it’s fifty dollars — and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

One year they went to the fair, and Morris said, “Esther, I\’m 85 years old. If I don\’t ride in that helicopter now, I might never get another chance.”

Esther replied, “But Morris, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

The pilot overheard and said, “Folks, I\’ll make you a deal. I\’ll take both of you for a ride. If you stay quiet the whole time, I won\’t charge you! But if you say a word, it\’s fifty dollars.”

Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers and daredevil tricks, but not a word was heard from his passengers. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell, but you didn\’t. I\’m impressed!”

Morris replied, “To tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars!”

Quote of the Day, 12/8/08

12/8/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“Great men are always of a nature originally melancholy.” — Aristotle

Quote of the Day, 12/5/08

12/5/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“Since we cannot know all that there is to be known about anything, we ought to know a little about everything.” — B. Pascal

Joke of the Day, 12/4/08

12/4/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Battle of the Bands LXXIX

12/3/2008, 1:00 pm -- by | No Comments

The next group from Acts is below; moving on is Oh Felix!

{democracy:312}

Bible Discussion — Acts 27-28

12/3/2008, 12:30 pm -- by | No Comments

This week, Bweinh.com moves on to the final two chapters of Acts!

PREVIOUS DISCUSSIONS:
Genesis: 1-4 | 5-9 | 10-14 | 15-18 | 19-22 | 23-26
27-29 | 30-32 | 33-36 | 37-39 | 40-43 | 44-46 | 47-50
Exodus: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-11 | 12-14 | 15-18
19-22 | 23-26 | 27-30 | 31-34 | 35-40
Romans: Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 (I)
Ch. 8 (II) | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 | Ch. 13 | Ch. 14 | Ch. 15-16
Luke: 1:1-38 | 1:39-2:40 | 2:41-3:38 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
11 | 12 | 13 | 14-15 | 16-17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24
Esther: 1-2 | 3-5 | 6-8 | 9-10
Acts: 1 | 2 | 3-4 | 5 | 6-7 | 8 | 9-10 | 11-12 | 13-14
15-16 | 17-18 | 19-20 | 21-22 | 23-24 | 25-26

 
INTRODUCTION:
Connie:
Paul’s voyage and arrival at Rome are chronicled in these final two chapters: it’s exciting stuff.

David:
The life of Paul, as recorded in the Bible, ends with the book of Acts — but his doctrine fills the rest of the New Testament.

 
SOMETHING YOU’D NEVER NOTICED BEFORE:
Josh:
The ships of the time were big enough to hold 276 men, plus provisions.

Connie:
Even then, they named the differnt weather phenomena. One of the winds that gave them trouble on the voyage was called Euroclydon.

David:
When the angel appears to Paul during the storm, he specifically mentions the need for Paul to testify to Caesar. How important was this one mission? Everything in the last half-dozen chapters has pointed to it as inevitable and inescapable.

 
BEST BAND NAME FROM THE PASSAGE:
David: Publius
Josh: Twenty Fathoms; The Shipwreck
Connie: Euroclydon
Steve: To the Lee

Continued here!

Quote of the Day, 12/3/08

12/3/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“History is never antiquated, because humanity is always fundamentally the same. It is always hungry for bread, sweaty with labor, struggling to wrest from nature and hostile men enough to feed its children. The welfare of the mass is always at odds with the selfish force of the strong. The exodus of the Roman plebeians and the Pennsylvania coal strike, the agrarian agitation of the Gracchi and the rising of the Russian peasants ”” it is all the same tragic human life.” — W. Rauschenbusch

Joke of the Day, 12/2/08

12/2/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

Did you hear about the guy who found out the secret to making women happy?

No, neither did I.

Best of Bweinh! — The Pope v. Billy Graham

12/2/2008, 12:00 am -- by | No Comments

Originally printed in April 2007, here’s a true interfaith dialogue!

In this corner, supporting Pope Benedict, is Mike J!

 And in this corner, backing Billy Graham, is Job!

Sit down, Billy. The Holy Father is about to educate your behind.

Seriously, let’s think about this, people. In one corner, you have a backwoods preacher from the American South. Quite a dandy in his early days, Billy donned the white bucks and powder blue sportcoats for Youth for Christ rallies as far back as the 1940s. Two whole generations of evangelical women cursed Ruth Bell under their breath for shattering their dreams and taking Billy off the market.

Even today, women admire him and men want to be him; pianists want to play for him, and even Michael W. Smith and dcTalk knew they had hit the big time when Billy Graham asked them to play for a “youth night” in a late ’90s California crusade.

All of this makes Graham a beloved figure, a bona-fide American religious folk hero.

It does not make for a worthy battle.

Because in the other corner, resplendent in papal garb, his robes billowing proudly behind him, his miter defiantly piercing the sky, is Pope Benedict XVI, born Joseph Alois Ratzinger.

He’s not a folk hero. He’s a junkyard dog.

He was known universally as the Vatican’s “doctrinal watchdog” prior to his selection as the 265th pope of the Catholic Church. And as if his international reputation were not enough, the Catholics that knew him best, the ones from his native Germany, referred to him as Der Panzer Kardinal — “the Tank Cardinal.” Why? Because he’s such a ruthless defender of the faith.

But you don’t have to take my word for it! Ask the late Father Jacques Dupuis (if you could), or Sri Lankan theologian Tissa Balasuriya. The former had the temerity to suggest that God was active in non-Christian religious traditions, the latter the unmitigated gall to refuse to sign a Vatican-approved statement of faith. Dupuis wound up trashed in a document Ratzinger wrote; Balasuriya was excommunicated, before the ever-gentlemanly Pope John Paul II restored him to the church.

You can mess with a guy named Billy. You cannot mess with a Ratzinger. You wind up trashed, excommunicated…or worse.

The man’s first papal encyclical was entitled Deus Caritas Est — “God is love.” Notably absent was any statement of Benedict’s own feelings. The obvious message: God is love, and Benedict ain’t.

The man is a flat-out papal bull.

The very notion that Pope Benedict could somehow best Billy Graham is so ludicrous I almost asked to be recused. No chance in heaven! Benny’s only advantage is that if he gouged Graham’s eyes or hit below the belt, he could absolve himself on the spot while the Rev. filed all that messy Grace paperwork.

But I still don’t see it. Graham didn’t win prominence by an ancient tradition of selection by peers; he received it by the eons-old tradition of selection by God. And Graham’s a natural fighter; whether Nixon or Parkinson’s, he handles his problems personally with sleeves rolled up and pride rolled down. So l’approvazione, papa, lo porta! Let’s go to the arena floor…

In this corner, at a holy 210 — the man who put “I can” in Vatican, the Stonin’ Roman…Germany’s own Joseph A. Ratzinger, Pope Benedict XVI!!!

And in this corner, weighing in at a lanky 205 — The Master Pastor, The Great Wheaton Beatin’…Charlotte’s own Rev. William F. Graham, Jr.!!!

*ding ding ding*

“Look at Graham charge from his corner! I haven’t seen anything like this since Joel Osteen fought the Dalai Lama in that New Delhi kick-boxing match last June! The Pope is on the ropes, medallions flying everywhere!!”

“Bob, this is tough to watch. I think Ratzinger forgot to drink his holy water, and he’s gonna need a miracle.”

“Graham continues his crusade! An uppercut to the the Father’s midsection and a roundhouse to the nose!!!”

“Bob, it appears the Rev. is nailing all 95 theses to Ratzinger’s chin tonight! I’ll bet the Pope wishes he were still a Cardinal so he could fly far, far away!”

“Good call, Gary. Ooh, a stiff right hook from Graham, and the Pope falls to his knees in exhaustion — or is it prayer to Joseph? Patron saint of lost causes?!”

“Pope Benedict XV felt that one!”

“Hold the chariot, Gary, the Pontiff is up and he’s going after Graham with fury in his eyes!!! The Catholics here are yelling ‘inquisition, inquisition,’ as Benedict rains blow after blow on Graham’s head and body.”

“Wow, Bob! Nothing apocryphal about that last punch! But it’s amazing how Graham’s hair stays right in place!”

“Is that LA Looks he’s got in there?”

“If I gambled, I’d go with Dep, Bob.”

“Golly Gee! Now the Protestants are up as Graham delivers punishing blows to the caretaker Pope!! Everyone’s a Calvinist tonight; this is pure destiny!! The Pope is down for the count!!!!”

*ding ding ding*

“And it’s over — Graham by knockout!”

{democracy:16}

Quote of the Day, 12/1/08

12/1/2008, 7:00 am -- by | No Comments

“Healing is precisely what Jesus promises. He promises to heal those who would be healed. His healing is not trite, never easy””there is always a cross to bear if you follow him. But, oh!””the healing he brings to his people, some of whom never suspect it.” — Rev. M. Jordan, in the introduction to his newest Advent devotional series on God’s healing.

Check it out, every day from now to Christmas, here at his site!

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