Joke of the Day, 6/30/08

06/30/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the service concluded.

Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. “I went to get a haircut,” was his reply.

“Why didn’t you do that before the service started?”

“I didn’t need one then!”

Joke of the Day, 6/26/08

06/26/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

How many punk rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and one to eat the old bulb.

Joke of the Day, 6/24/08

06/24/2008, 7:00 am -- by Steve | No Comments

A juggler was stopped by the police while driving to his next performance. “Why do you have all these knives?,” asked the officer.

“I juggle them in my act.”

“Oh yeah? Let’s see you do it.”

The juggler gets out and starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees it and says, “Wow, am I glad I quit drinking — look at the test they’re making you do now!”

Joke of the Day, 6/20/08

06/20/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

A man walked into a supermarket and bought a loaf of bread, a pint of milk, and a frozen dinner. The woman at the checkout said, “You’re single, aren’t you?”

The man said, “Yeah, how did you guess?”

She said, “Because you’re ugly.”

Joke of the Day, 6/18/08

06/18/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

What’s the hardest part about skydiving?

The ground.

Joke of the Day, 6/16/08

06/16/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | 1 Comment

What’s the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion.

Joke of the Day, 6/12/08

06/12/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

A man was feeling ill, so he went to his doctor and discovered he had an incurable disease. He pleaded with the doctor to find him a miracle cure, and after thinking a while, the doctor told him to go to a nearby spa and have a mud bath each day.

“Will this cure me, Doctor?”

“No, but it will get you used to dirt.”

Joke of the Day, 6/10/08

06/10/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

Descartes is at a bar, and at last call the bartender asks him if he wants another beer. “I think not,” he says. And he disappears!

Gollum Still In Search of Ring

06/6/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | 3 Comments

Joke of the Day, 6/5/08

06/5/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

What’s the difference between Yankee Stadium hot dogs and Camden Yards hot dogs?

You can buy Yankee Stadium hot dogs in October.

Joke of the Day, 6/3/08

06/3/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

“I saw two houseflies in the kitchen today. Both females.”

“How did you know?”

“They were on the phone.”

Joke of the Day, 5/30/08

05/30/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker went to a restaurant in London. The waiter approached their table and said, “Excuse me, but if you order a steak, you might not get one, because there’s a shortage.”

The Texan said, “What’s a shortage?”

The Russian said, “What a steak?”

And the New Yorker said, “What’s ‘Excuse me’?”

Joke of the Day, 5/28/08

05/28/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

A man walks into the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his forehead. The doctor said, “Let me give you some cream to put on that.”

Joke of the Day, 5/23/08

05/23/2008, 7:00 am -- by Bweinh | No Comments

This man got a job with the highway department painting lines on the middle of the road. The supervisor told him he was expected to paint two miles of highway every day.

The first day, the man painted four miles, and the supervisor thought, “Great!” The next day, the man only painted two miles, but the supervisor thought, “That’s good enough.” The third day, the man only painted one mile. The boss said, “Is there a problem?”

And the man said, “Well, I’m getting farther and farther from the bucket!”