One Hundred Words (45)

02/16/2009, 3:52 pm -- by | 2 Comments

(Two-Minute Drill #4) has a commercial — maybe you’ve seen it? The two shampoos commercial? High-larious.

“It’s working! It’s working! They got me! It’s working!”

I don’t know what it is about that commercial, but it reaches me on many levels.

And GEICO’s new line of commercial featuring “Kash”? I love it. I love the song, I love the character, I love how nonchalant they are about the absurdity.

“That? That’s just the money you could be saving by switching to GEICO!”

“T-tell me who’s watching!”


One Hundred Words (44)

02/12/2009, 9:25 pm -- by | No Comments

(Two-minute drill #3: on Romans 2:5-6)

It’s often said there are no guilty people in prison. Generally, if you ask people caught red-handed if they’re guilty, they’ll answer no: it’s someone else’s fault, or a setup, or the man is keeping them down. But these verses say that every sin stores up not just judgment and wrath, but also revelation.

And at Judgment Day, everyone will know exactly why things happened, as revealed by a perfect God. No denial, no excuses, just revelation and wrath — or mercy.

And all those who demand “why” from God will know, and be silenced.


One Hundred Words (43)

02/11/2009, 9:00 am -- by | No Comments

I’m really irritated by “global warming.”

In the 70s, it was global cooling, an impending ice age. In the 90s, it was global warming, an impending tidal wave to kill us all.

Now it’s global climate change, because apparently “global warming” makes some places colder. I don’t know how true it is for you, but if I didn’t know spring followed winter, I’d think winter would never end! And summer? Sheesh, I’ve forgotten all about summer by now.

For once, can’t people stop hyping up crap to sell books and push agendas, and admit we’re not as smart as we think?


Music by Bweinh! — How Great

02/10/2009, 10:00 am -- by | 2 Comments

Next in the series of reflections on songs written and performed by Bweinh!tributors is “How Great” (© 2005 Dj. Maxon), as recorded live by the band Maxon.

Listen to or download the song here (for a limited time)!

“How Great” is a song I wrote in college, and it’s one of the better songs I’ve written. I’m not a big fan of the song, but other people seem to like it — so I don’t know what to say to them. I’m okay with the chorus, but there’s something about the verses I can’t put my finger on… I just don’t like them.

Looking through an old clipboard, I just found the original blue scrap of paper I wrote the song on, stuffed into the pages of an aging yellow legal pad. A pad, might I add, that’s just full of terrible, terrible songs. Terrible. If you were to look at it, which you never will (because the songs are just embarrassingly terrible and I won’t let you), you could open to just about any page and find the first verse of an unfinished song, or hastily scribbled chords that, by now, make little to no sense.

Ahhhh, the halcyon days of my youth, when scribbling chords and penning songs not fit for human consumption was how I passed the time. I wrote this song in the basement of the music building, Tyler Hall, pretty much in one take. I spent a lot of time down in those cramped, tiny practice rooms. Thank goodness now I have Left 4 Dead.

Anyway, as I said before, other people like the song more than I do, but I do like the chorus a fair amount.

Enjoy, I guess….

One Hundred Words (42)

02/9/2009, 3:00 pm -- by | No Comments

(Two-Minute Drill #2: on the humble toilet.)

Throughout the useful lifetime of a type of product, a considerable evolution takes place. The automobile started out humbly enough as a Model T, and was revised and renewed until reaching perfection in the form of my 2001 Jeep Cherokee.

But what of the toilet? How did it truly start, and where can it go in the future? Taller? Wider? Softer? Warmer? More water-efficient? Nuclear-powered?

Where are the innovators of tomorrow who will revolutionize the process of personal relief?


One Hundred Words (40)

02/5/2009, 9:30 am -- by | No Comments

(Two-Minute Drill #1)

In football, a two-minute drill is a regular element in practice. The basic gist is for the offense to march down the field, from end zone to end zone, in two minutes.

But how much can I write in two uninterrupted minutes? Surprisingly little.

Without research or copying and pasting to make my work seem fluffier and more robust, all I’ve got is the meager stream of verbiage that flows from my frontal lobe.

Aaaand, pencils down, class.


Super Bowl Haiku Prediction 2.1

01/30/2009, 2:11 pm -- by | No Comments

True win? Budweiser
Trumping Bud Light once again
It is destiny.

Super Bowl Haiku Prediction 2

01/30/2009, 2:09 pm -- by | No Comments

As Obama won
So too will his prediction
Steelers, not Card’nals

A Time For Choosing

01/22/2009, 12:17 am -- by | 1 Comment

“As for the peace that we would preserve, I wonder who among us would like to approach the wife or mother whose husband or son has died in South Vietnam and ask them if they think this is a peace that should be maintained indefinitely. Do they mean peace, or do they mean we just want to be left in peace? There can be no real peace while one American is dying some place in the world for the rest of us. We’re at war with the most dangerous enemy that has ever faced mankind in his long climb from the swamp to the stars, and it’s been said if we lose that war, and in so doing lose this way of freedom of ours, history will record with the greatest astonishment that those who had the most to lose did the least to prevent its happening. Well I think it’s time we ask ourselves if we still know the freedoms that were intended for us by the Founding Fathers.” — Ronald W. Reagan, October 27, 1964

Ronald W. Reagan - October 27, 1964

Replace the words “South Vietnam” with “Iraq” or “Afghanistan” and the Gipper speaks truth to us 44 years later.

Clicking the picture will take you to American Rhetoric, a site I highly recommend if you’re interested in American politics.

Read the full text, listen to the 29-minute speech in its entirety.

In the midst of uncertain times, a global war with no (good) end in sight, and a liberal government in Washington, remember: it takes a Carter to get a Reagan.

From the Phone 7

01/20/2009, 12:01 pm -- by | No Comments

“Saint Ronald of Reagan, pray for us and hear our prayers.

And may God have mercy on our souls.”

WWF, WWE… what’s the difference

01/14/2009, 7:57 pm -- by | 2 Comments

A commercial for WWF (the World Wildlife Fund) just came on TV, pleading with me to save the polar bears.

Did you know most of them will be dead in “our children’s lifetime!”?

Despite the clear environmental message, I couldn’t help wondering for over half the commercial, “what do polar bears have to do with wrestling?”

Best of Bweinh! — Married/Single Clash

11/21/2008, 11:00 am -- by | 3 Comments

In this corner, defending the sanctity of marriage, is Tom!

And in this corner, loving the freedom of the single life, is Djere!

Married life is the best kind of life there is. Trading freedom for security has always been the way we roll here in the U.S. of A! So many rough areas of a man’s life can be smoothed out by the delicate touch of a feminine hand.

Decision-making is a prime example. Making decisions is a lot of work. Where to live, what job to take, what to wear? Who has time to figure out the proper choice in all of these important areas? Most single men learn to make decisions quickly, weighing options and coming to decisions so fast that the process seems almost primitive in its simplicity.

The married man can still quickly reach a simple decision, but it is never the end result. Instead, it’s just one stop on the interminable amusement park ride central to any marriage: the discussion. By looping around and around the many possible choices, a man with a skilled spouse eventually comes to see the ignorance of his original choice, and the unparalleled superiority of the course his wife has already selected. Eventually these “discussions” can strip a man of his desire to make an initial choice, streamlining the entire process!

Marriage also lets a man grow beyond the boundaries he places on his social life. Many single men prefer the company of a particular group of friends, spending the majority of social time with them, coming to know them well. Once a man is married, these constraints are taken from him, and he can come to full social fruition. New friends he would not have chosen! New activities he does not enjoy! An entire new family with whom to spend holidays, reunions, excruciatingly boring conversations, and arguments!

And chores! Once a man has a wife, he has a partner with whom to split the domestic tasks central to any household. A single man has no assistance in performing these chores, and no helper to decide when they should be done. It’s true that marriage brings a man a tidier house, but with a spouse helping, the net decrease in work will be offset by the extra discussions that will fill the saved time, in lieu of radio, television, or blessed quiet.

It’s true that some freedom is lost. If I were married, I couldn’t keep the random and flexible work schedule I enjoy. I wouldn’t be able to spend my leisure time any way I like, I wouldn’t have as much time for quiet reading, I might not amuse myself so much with the Internet dot com. I certainly wouldn’t be able to drop everything and take a trip, change my plans at the last minute, or do any of the other things that make me the man I am.

No, I would become a different man, a better man, with a thousand chips of my very nature shaved away by the delicate chisel in my wife’s knowledgeable hand.

I only hope that man will think of the old me fondly from time to time, as he lives his life to the beat of his life’s new drummerette.

If he can find the time between discussions.

You know, when you’ve been married as long as I have (almost three weeks!), you almost forget what it was like on the other side…

Being single has its advantages. Gas mileage, for example. With only one person in the car, you’ll use less gas, you know, when you drive places… alone. And you’ll never have to worry about another person changing your radio stations. In fact, you never have to be exposed to any tastes other than your own! Gosh, that does sound pretty good… cruising down the highway of life — alone — listening to the same old songs on the radio…

And there are benefits outside your motor vehicle as well. Like at work! Now that I’m married, Karen calls me at work once or twice a day. But if I were single, think about how great it would be: eight uninterrupted hours without hearing a friendly voice on the other end of the telephone line. Even better — eight uninterrupted hours without hearing the person I care about more than any other say, “I love you.”

Yep, being single sure has advantages. I mean, at home you’ll never have to worry about someone messing up your stuff, the kitchen, unmaking the bed, or leaving the toilet seat in your least favorite position… because there’s never anyone there. In fact, when you’re single, you have the immense joy of doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and chores yourself. All by yourself. Sure, you can daydream all you want that the next time you’re at the laundromat, there’ll be a pretty, single girl there who shares your joy of separating whites from darks for a bleach load, or your cultivated taste in fabric softener… but probably not.

And who does this ‘God’ fellow think He is? “It is not good for man to be alone.” What’s that all about? Certainly people weren’t designed with a helper in mind, a divinely inspired counterpart, like that “Bible” of yours says in Genesis 2:18.

When you’re single, you’ll experience neither the joy nor the pain that having a spouse brings. You don’t understand what Solomon means when he writes, “you have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes.” Just the numb comfort of loneliness and hope deferred.

Man, those were the days!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a loving wife to attend to. Cheers.


Bible Discussion — Acts 25-26

11/19/2008, 2:30 pm -- by | No Comments

This week, moves on to the next two chapters of Acts.

Genesis: 1-4 | 5-9 | 10-14 | 15-18 | 19-22 | 23-26
27-29 | 30-32 | 33-36 | 37-39 | 40-43 | 44-46 | 47-50
Exodus: 1-4 | 5-8 | 9-11 | 12-14 | 15-18
19-22 | 23-26 | 27-30 | 31-34 | 35-40
Romans: Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 (I)
Ch. 8 (II) | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 | Ch. 13 | Ch. 14 | Ch. 15-16
Luke: 1:1-38 | 1:39-2:40 | 2:41-3:38 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
11 | 12 | 13 | 14-15 | 16-17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24
Esther: 1-2 | 3-5 | 6-8 | 9-10
Acts: 1 | 2 | 3-4 | 5 | 6-7 | 8 | 9-10 | 11-12
13-14 | 15-16 | 17-18 | 19-20 | 21-22 | 23-24

Paul, still in chains, once again meets with Festus and is offered the deal of going back to Jerusalem to defend himself. He declines and appeals to Caesar, removing the burden of the decision from Festus. But before he heads for Rome, another king visits and asks for an audience.

During this retelling of Paul\’s testimony, he included the words from the Lord, “It is hard for you to kick against the goads.” Perhaps it had not been until then that Paul fully understood how hard it was, what the price would be for that persecution.

Festus was concerned about how King Agrippa may have been perceiving Paul’s story, and tried to cut it off by calling Paul crazy. Agrippa responds with the famous “You almost had me at ‘hello'” line, later immortalized in Jerry Maguire.

The trial before Agrippa and Bernice was a big show, in an arena filled with “prominent men of the city.” Weird.

Josh: The Learned and Mad
Connie: Conversion
Djere: Uncle Festus
Steve: Oh Felix

Continued here!

From the Phone 6

11/5/2008, 1:02 am -- by | No Comments

Overheard at work today:

“If this election goes the wrong way, we should move to Canada.”

“If this election goes the wrong way, we’ll BECOME Canada!”

Presidential Haiku Prediction 2

11/3/2008, 2:04 pm -- by | 1 Comment

Lawsuits like raindrops
Lawyers: Biblical locusts
Apocalypse soon

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