The Council’s Ruling — Best Toy

11/19/2007, 1:15 pm -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the best toy of all time?

Tom delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Josh, Steve and David:

The ball forms the nucleus of nearly all pick-up sports, and its versatility and dependability make it a plaything useful either alone or with friends.

 

Chloe joins in the holding, but writes separately:

A ball. It’s everything!!!!

 

Connie and MC-B dissent:

The yo-yo. Portable, inexpensive, suitable for all skill levels, with a little destructive power thrown in. It doesn’t need batteries, yet can entertain for hours.

 

Mike dissents:

Electric Football: nothing else brought the painted green of artifical turf home to our living rooms quite like it.

 

Erin dissents:

Lincoln Logs. Creativity plus learning about the pioneers.

 

Djere dissents:

Legos — you can build anything with Legos.

 

Job played no part in the determination of this issue.

Next week: Who is the most influential American ever?

The Council’s Ruling — Most Enjoyable Sport

11/12/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the most enjoyable sport to play?

Mike delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Erin, Steve and David:

Basketball — a great combination of brute physical endurance and delicate hand-eye coordination.

 

Tom dissents, joined by Connie and MC-B:

Beach volleyball. You’re never too far from the ball in an exciting game, and never too far to heckle the other team in a boring one.

 

Djere dissents, joined by Chloe:

Blood sport — you don’t know thrill until you hunt a man through the jungle with nothing but a bow and arrow.

 

Josh dissents, joined by Djere:

Dodgeball — you get throw stuff at people!

 

Job played no part in the determination of this issue.

Next week: What is the best toy of all time?

The Council’s Ruling — Most Effective Ad Campaign

11/5/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What was the most effective ad campaign ever?

Steve delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Erin, Chloe, Josh and David:

de Beers: Diamonds are forever. They totally invented the diamond engagement ring, parlaying psychological insecurity into BILLIONS of dollars.

 

Djere dissents, joined by Mike:

The old McDonald’s commercials with Michael Jordan and Larry Bird. Off the bus, off the roof, through the window… Nothing but net.

 

Tom dissents, joined by MC-B:

The Geico cavemen. All a friend or colleague has to do is say the words, “Tina’s here. We’re getting back together!” to send me into a paroxysm of childish giggles.

 

Connie dissents:

The dignifyingly crying Indian — talking about pollution.

 

Job played no part in the determination of this issue.

Next week: What is the most enjoyable sport to play?

The Council’s Ruling — Most Useless College Major

10/29/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | 156 Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the most useless college major?

Steve delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Connie and MC-B:

Any major that involves a particular gender or ethnic group. These classes amount to indoctrination and prepare you only to spread propaganda yourself.

 

MC-B concurs in the result, joined by David:

_____-American Studies. Even if you’re going to work with that group in the future, a good deal of the information is presented from the perspective of someone who hasn’t.

 

Djere concurs in the result, joined by David:

Women’s Studies. I thought cooking, cleaning, laundry, and baby-making was genetic! Who needs college for that?

 

Chloe dissents, joined by Erin:

Liberal Arts – it’s a non-word! You don’t major in anything! You come away with debt and a hangover! You fool!

 

Tom dissents, joined by Chloe:

An undergraduate degree in Philosophy leaves one well-equipped only to ponder the futility of majoring in Philosophy.

 

Mike dissents, joined by Job:

Outdoor rec–everyone knows how to have normal fun, and everyone who knows how to have specialized fun is already an outdoor rec major looking for a job.

 

Josh dissents:

I have to go with art, since I can’t see much difference between a starving artist and a slightly more knowledgeable starving artist, besides all the tuition debt.

 
Next week: What was the most effective ad campaign ever?

The Council’s Ruling — Best Season

10/22/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the best season of the year?

Chloe delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Connie, Job, and Steve:

Summer. Sleeping out on the porch, drinking lemonade, playing games in the evening, family reunions, long afternoon walks, picnics, swimming holes, crick walking, wildflowers, sun, monsoon season, tans, breakfast on the patio…

 

Mike dissents, joined by Erin:

Winter — the world has to slow down every once in a while and take a day off.

 

Josh dissents:

Winter brings sledding, snowball fights, icicles, and the dream of a snow day.

 

Djere dissents, joined by David:

Hockey season — it’s the most wonderful time of the year.

 

MC-B dissents, joined by Tom:

Autumn/fall — the temperature is delightfully pleasant, and the beauty of nature abounds.

Next week: What is the least useful major in college?

The Council’s Ruling — Best TV Show

10/15/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | 10 Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the best television series of our lifetime?

The Council was unable to issue a majority ruling on this issue.

Continued here!

The Council’s Ruling — Best Playground Equipment

10/8/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the best piece of equipment on a playground?

Job delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Tom and Mike:

Swings are hands down (and feet up) the best. Swinging can be a solitary or social activity, of varied pace and adventure level, and use is limited only by weight-bearing capacity.

 

Chloe also concurs in the judgment, joined by Djere:

The swings provide a freedom and weightlessness that doesn’t require the use of drugs or danger.

 

David dissents, joined by Josh and MC-B:

The spinning thing that you jump on after you get it going real fast by running and pushing it.

 

Steve dissents, joined by Erin:

The monkey bars allow you to clamber and hang, swing and dangle, and to be precisely as adventurous as you dare.

 

Connie dissents:

The park bench, because it allows me to pause and reflect on the world while simultaneously avoiding all the other vertigo-causing apparatuses.

 

Next week: What was the best TV show of our lifetimes?

The Council’s Ruling — Worst Form of Music

10/1/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | 1 Comment

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the worst form of music?

Tom delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Erin, Chloe, and Job:

Rap. A seething cauldron of lawlessness, violence and profanity, with a side of rampant misogyny.

 

Chloe also concurs in the judgment, joined by David:

The worst is American rap. While rap is used positively in other countries, in America, it not only has flimsy lyrics and only three to four notes, but it also incites listeners to beat their women, spit on their parents, and kill everyone else.

 

MC-B also concurs in the judgment:

Rap. Coming from a culture of woman-beating, cop-killing and drug use, this music rarely even features instruments — unless you count sirens or that guy going “uhhhnnnnh” in the background.

 

Djere also concurs in the judgment:

Rap/Hip Hop — a downward spiral of self-indulgence and misogyny.

 

Steve dissents, joined by Connie:

Emo. As fun as tooth decay and as entertaining as watching paint whine about how no one loves it. Shut your mouth and wash off Mom’s mascara, you freak!

 

Josh dissents:

That one song John Mayer keeps releasing over and over again.

 

Mike dissents:

Techno. It throbs and little else.

 

Next week: What is the best piece of playground equipment?

The Council’s Ruling — Most Useful Tool

09/24/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | 3 Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the most useful tool?

Connie delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by MC-B, Josh, Djere, Mike, and Steve:

Fire.

 

David offers this opinion, joined by Job:

The lever…give me a place to stand and I will move the world.

 

Tom offers this opinion:

The opposable thumb. Without it any other tools are so many footrests and paperweights.

 

Chloe offers this opinion:

A length of rope, because it can be used to make many necessities, including pulleys and bridges, and assist in hunting and self-defense.

 

Next week: What is the worst form of music?

The Council’s Ruling — Cell Phones

09/17/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | 5 Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — When should a child get a cell phone?

Chloe delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Connie, Steve and Tom:

When he or she can pay for it.

 

Mike offers this opinion, joined by MC-B and Connie:

Eighteen.

 

Job offers this opinion, joined by David:

Children should be allowed to have them by 14 (as a service to parents) with plans that don’t allow texting before 16.

 

Steve offers this opinion, joined by Josh:

The same time they can drive.

 

David offers this opinion, joined by Djere:

The third trimester.

 

Next week: What is the most useful tool?

The Council’s Ruling — Michael Vick

09/10/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What should happen to Michael Vick following his guilty plea in the dogfighting case?

Steve delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Connie, Mike and Job:

He should serve 1 to 2 years, then be allowed to play again. Far worse crimes have gone underpunished by the NFL.

 

David offers this opinion, joined by MC-B and Tom:

He should be forgotten.

 

Tom offers this opinion, joined by David and Djere:

The standard NFL punishment for dogfighting should be levied against him.

 

Chloe offers this opinion:

He should get the maximum jail sentence, PETA should follow him forever, picketing wherever he goes, and he should never be allowed within 50 yds of another animal.

 

Josh played no part in the determination of this issue.

Next week: When should a child get a cell phone?

The Council’s Ruling — Best Source of News

09/4/2007, 11:00 am -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the best source of news?

The Council delivers the ruling of newspapers, but was unable to agree on a rationale.

Tom offers this opinion, joined by Job:

Newspapers seamlessly blend local, national and world news in a medium that’s a sheer pleasure for all five senses.

 

David offers this opinion, joined by Connie:

The newspaper; nothing beats a cup of coffee and the smell of fresh newsprint. One squirrel touching the wrong line and every other medium is gone.

 

Mike offers this opinion:

The newspaper–because you can’t kick back outside with your morning coffee and your laptop.

 

Chloe offers this opinion, joined by MC-B:

Because television relies so much on breaking news, eyewitness coverage and interviews, it is forced to be the most truthful on the spot of all news media.

 

Djere offers this opinion:

The town crier: the original source of EDUtainment.

 

Steve offers this opinion:

The Internet allows you to learn about what matters most to you, and supplements the big news agencies with eyewitness reports from average people.

 

Josh offers this opinion:

The Internet is the best source of news due to its speed of update, cross referencing ability and complete user control.

 

Next week: What should happen to Michael Vick?

The Council’s Ruling — Superpower

08/27/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | 12 Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What is the most useful superpower?

The Council was unable to issue a majority ruling on this issue.

Djere offers this opinion, joined by Josh and MC-B:

Mind control. If it can be used on a large scale, you can do whatever you want, effectively being in more than one place at the same time.

 

David offers this opinion, joined by Chloe and Tom:

Being indestructible. You can survive anything and learn how to defeat any other super power.

 

Tom offers this opinion, joined by Mike and David:

Flight. Most of my time is used up getting where I want to go, long before I can even get there.

 

Connie offers this opinion, joined by Chloe:

The USA. Because we are a fair and democratic country with a good system of checks and balances.

 

Steve offers this opinion:

Immortality, a guarantee that you will dance on your enemies’ graves.

 

Next week: Which medium is the best source of news?

The Council’s Ruling — Worst Thing To Happen To America

08/20/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | 2 Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — What was the worst thing ever to happen to the United States?

The Council was unable to issue a majority ruling on this issue.

Connie offers this opinion, joined by David:

Legalized abortion.

 

MC-B offers this opinion, joined by Josh:

The Great Depression.

 

Steve offers this opinion, joined by Chloe:

Material success on a scale that tempted us to worship.

 

Chloe offers this opinion, joined by MC-B:

The World Wars, because they revealed the depth of mankind’s evil.

 

Tom offers this opinion:

Unionized labor.

 

Djere offers this opinion:

Women’s lib, because it led to most of those things.

 

Mike played no part in the determination of this issue.

 

Next week: what is the most effective superpower?

The Council’s Ruling — Worst Villain in History

08/13/2007, 12:00 pm -- by | No Comments

This and every Monday, the Bweinh!tributors, having convened in secret for hours of reasoned debate and consideration, will issue a brief and binding ruling on an issue of great societal import.

This week’s question — Who was the worst villain in history?

David delivers the ruling of the Council, joined by Connie, Josh, Djere, Tom, and MC-B:

Adolf Hitler.

 

Steve dissents:

Joseph Stalin was even worse than Hitler. He was in power much longer, he starved and shot his people without compunction, and what’s worse — he’s still a hero to many Russians.

 

Chloe dissents:

Vlad the Impaler.

 

Mike played no part in the determination of this issue.

 

Next week: what is the worst thing ever to happen to America?

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